Showing 24 results for ‘brenda's record’

Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #54 ‘They haven’t heard from you in ages’ ‘It’s just plain lazy’ ‘Pull your finger out and get typing’ The chorus of voices has been swimming around my head for over a fortnight. Do I tell them about next door’s apple tree – the one I stared at from the studio window, through the seasons, through […]
 
Brenda’s Unfortunate Christmas Record So I’m walking up the street the other night, gazing into people’s windows (a favourite pastime), checking out their trees and thinking, ‘fuck I am already so done with Christmas’. This was around the 18th. I dunno if it’s just me, but 2017’s festivities have been full-on. Feels like we’ve been at it for an eternity. […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #52 I think I might be too cranky to write this week. Even if it has been awhile, Brenda’s in a bad fucking mood. For reasons I won’t go into, all day I’ve been wrestling with the idea, ‘Is it because I’m a girl?’ To be honest I hate that question, especially when it’s applied to […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #51 The day got off on the wrong foot in so much as it was a late late start. She didn’t actually surface until 10am, a bit of an abomination given all that needed to be done. It was cold too. One of the first really grim mornings of the season. The bedroom window was veiled […]
 
 
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #50 So many funny, unfortunate things have happened of late only I can’t publicly write about them without inappropriately naming and shaming. Best stay schtum and, and?? Erm. I’ve been feeling shit. First it was the lurgy. I thought I had it bad, properly bed-ridden for three days but judging from the state of many of […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #49 Let’s just clear something up, it’s not the record that’s unfortunate. No, not at all. The track is always good. 49 errr episodes (?) in and I can guarantee I only post music Brenda likes. It’s the circumstance that sucks, or somewhat sucks. Unfortunate goings-on are all around us. I could write about the weekend, […]
 
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #48 Thursday fuzz, fog what the fuck? How did that happen? Half the day in bed nursing sore head between sporadic sprints to the toilet. Face down staring down bowl. Hands and knees, hands to knees, retching hard. Ouch. Was it worth it? A Wednesday night spins out of control. Unexpected pissing it down with no […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #47 I’m sat at the bar chatting with the barmaid. Rain lashing at the windows, wind whistling, leaves flying … it’s one of those miserable cinematic nights, premature for this time of year. Not quite down from the weekend, I’m nursing a vodka soda in the low light, content in the company of my fellow human […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #46 Not sure if you’ve noticed, but Brenda seems to be appearing more & more on a fortnightly basis. Right now it’s a rainy Wednesday. The temperature’s plunged over 10 degrees in less than 12 hours and I’m sat in my studio, eating chocolate, wondering what to write about.  You see I’ve been having fun, too […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #45 I’m a vegetarian. Actually technically I’m pescatarian as I occasionally eat fish, but I try not to make a habit of it; dwindling stocks, impact of farming, mercury levels, environmental issues etc etc etc … I won’t get too sanctimonious though. Vast swathes of the Amazon are still being cleared to meet our rising appetite […]
 
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #44 Oh my god he is the archetypal Canadian; rugged like a lumberjack, made from wool socks, hiking boots and a healthy dose of maple syrup. Here in the 21st century he’s proper scrubbed up, clean cut, waiting on me in those snug black shorts and dimpled smile. They’re out of the beer I want but […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #43 They’re literally bouncing off the walls. A few hours ago I collected them from summer drama class. I was told to pick up 3, the one i usually mind plus two of her friends. As we were walking through the park I pulled out my phone (which I always keep on silent) and saw someone […]
 
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #42 How Not To Travel Back home you’re a high roller. You operate on the fringes of the law and judging by your business, one would assume you know a thing or two. You’ve done some travelling, in fact you’ve visited more continents than me, so a few weeks back when you and a pal made […]
 
Brenda’s Not So Unfortunate Record #40 Oh my gosh, we’re at 40! As if the universe knew, it offered up the most Ransom Note-worthy unfortunateness this past weekend.  The building works in the flat downstairs (which … ahem … have been going on since March 2016), are finally coming to an end. In one of the last steps to make the […]
Brenda’s Not So Unfortunate Record #39 Spaced like a saucer this week. Totally out of it. Can’t stop yawning and no amount of hydration seems to help. Could it be the weather? Vitamin D withdrawal? I thought I had a meeting yesterday. Made my way down one of those big, fancy office blocks in the new Kings Cross. The woman at […]
Brenda’s Not So Unfortunate Record #38 Apparently I need to up my game, or play the game, or find a game-plan or something like that. It’s what I’ve been told. I’m not a fan. Having spent a lot of the past few months with kids, the only game I’ve really been working on is rounders.  ‘Oh my god, you don’t know […]
 
 
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #37 It’s that exodus time of year, all of travelling you en masse, descending on Barcelona. It’s been over a decade since I partook, but there’s still a wee pang of nostalgia as photos of over-priced paella start clogging up my social media feeds. We used to go out in huge groups. Pre-Airbnb holiday accommodation, Barceloneta, […]
Brenda’s Not So Unfortunate Record #36 I’m like the kid who forgot to do her homework. Last night I was sat with a 12 year old trying to coax him into tucking in to his Mandarin assignment. It’s not like I could be much help, but was still egging him along, stern but fair so as not to lose the fight […]
 
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #35 My little sister Camille and her boyfriend Carl are visiting from Canada. Yesterday afternoon as we were finishing lunch, Carl started to tell me about his best friend. I didn’t catch his name so let’s just call him Guy.  Apparently the first 25 years of Guy’s life were hard. He grew up in Longueuil, a […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #34: Venus X + Asmara – Halftime Brenda’s wondering if she might need to take a break for awhile, sat here wracking the brain, trying to come up with unfortunateness. What with everything going on in our big wide world you wouldn’t think she’d be at a lack, but … It hasn’t rained like this in ages, has it? Chucking it down […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #33: Questions – The Golden Filter Off the bat, if you’re not already thinking about it, AESTHETICIAN is a tricky word to pronounce. The number of times I’ve been caught out and stuck in a semi-stammer … AESTHET-T-T-T-T  … tongue bashing relentlessly against my front teeth…  BEAUTICIAN is so much easier, but it’s never the first term which springs to mind, […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #32 How fitting that this year, for once the bank holiday fell on the first. May Day indeed, in every sense of the word. You’re damn right, and we’re all fucking screaming it (at least on the inside). Overboard or not, this ship’s definitely sinking.  I’m so done with it though. The tedium of defeat. Fuck […]
 
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #31 Last night my dad randomly forwarded a couple photos he’d found whilst clearing out some boxes. I don’t have many pictures of me as a kid. In these ones I’m beside my first best friend, a little boy named Paddy. We were neighbours and our older sisters were the same age. People used to always […]
Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #30 Head’s well buried in the sand this week … I can be a real dick & boy did I ever feel guilty on Sunday. Coming down after a weekend of fun, coming in to an empty home with one thought on my mind – dinner and more precisely the salmon burger I was gonna cook. […]
 
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