This Week…Pana-Maniac, Maniac On The Floor
"The only thing in life that is certain is death and taxes." – Benjamin Franklin
"Money, money, money. It's a rich mans world." – Abba
"What's a soup kitchen?" – Paris Hilton
Wrestlemania passed this week, the sports entertainment extravangza pitting man against man, woman against woman, face against metal and Donald Trump supporting racists who fly the confederate flag against the rest of society. As muscle bound oiled men with long thinning hair called Counter Splat, The Human Vase, The Mean Mormon and Ass Smasher battled it out in the ring for the world's delight the powerful men on this side of the pond did the same, except instead of battling for the WWE Pancake Championship or whatever they were fighting to keep their offshore investment dealings away from the public eye. And well, so far it's been bloodier than whatever the outcome of this IRL example of why you should never have kids.
Personal piggy banks to political leaders, their fathers, cousins of Syrian dictators, North Korean sanction defiers, Nazi artwork thieves and undoubtedly countless other immoral men and women in positions of power Mossack Fonseca acted as a Panama-based tax free haven and potential money launderer for people who cite their hobbies as ivory dealing, kitten stamping and charity shop arson. The scale of the leak is obviously huge, within the past few hours we've learnt that David Cameron personally invested in Mossack Fonseca and that Hillary Clinton has very recent links to Sberbank, a Russian bank who sought the services of Democrat advisor Tony Podesta to exploit Russian sanctions in the aftermath of Russia's invasion of Ukraine.
While reporters continue to flick through thousands and thousands of pages faster than a 13-year old boy does with his first porno mag gifted to him from the gods many right-leaning institutions decided to take a different approach to the breaking news stories and simply not cover anything about it. The Sun focused much of their efforts on uncovering the secret textual relations between Vernon Kay and a woman I only know as 'someone I served a hot dog to when I worked at the MEN Arena' (true story). Daily Mail online ran with some outfits that women were wearing but The Daily Express trumped all with a defiant act of guerilla journalism, directing their attentions towards the real talking point of the week in that a handful of walnuts a day can fight aids, terrorists, hugs and the constant shame of never amounting to anything.
As depressing as this all is to have these suspicions uncovered to you outside the realm of YouTube conspiracy theorists the most depressing factor in all of this is that it's hard to think how this will change anything and who, in the grand scheme of things, actually give a fuck? While David Cameron will make his public apology and embark on a brief Twitter hiatus he will walk straight back into a biscuit factory in Swansea next week as if nothing ever happened. Russian oligarchs and arms smugglers will continue to fund the wars of the world and new tax scandals will arise again because well, a story about tax isn't exactly Monica Lewinsky. Not paying your tax correctly is seen by most as some sort of victimless crime, something that there's a counteractive measure in force to correct. While we scream into our echo chamber for Cameron's resignation there's more people on the other side who simply don't see what the fuss is about, if you're not sending saucy texts to page 3 models then we're not interested.