The Good, The Bad and The Ugly: Jubilee Special!


The queen’s been around forever, so to celebrate let’s throw up some bunting and get inebriated on stale ale and scotch eggs before having a mass brawl like only we, her majesties loyal subjects, know how.

We’ll need a soundtrack of course, if only to cover up the sirens.

So, Ma’am, to paraphrase your old mate Elton John, these are your songs:

The Good

God Save The Queen, The Sex Pistols

Predictable, but then it’s simply the best song ever written about our collective German old dear, so what else can you do?

Johnny Rotten and the boys screaming it like it is over a squalling mess of guitar and drums. Full of brilliant one liners such as: God Save the Queen, cos tourists are money! This should be the British national anthem.

Once the revolution arrives, it surely will be.

The Bad

God Save The Queen, The Sex Pistols (Leftfield Remix)

Nearly good, but Leftfield cock it up by being a bit too po faced, and somehow managing to drag the humour and hysteria out of the original. Difficult, because that’s all the original is made up of, really: manic energy and stand up comedy. It’s something like when a little minnow football team from division 14 take on Manchester United and the commentator says ‘Oh dear, it doesn’t look good for Accrington Rovers, they’re giving United too much respect’.

Leftfield, you’re giving the queen and The sex pistols too much respect.

Pack it in and join the revolution.

The Ugly

Sing by Gary Barlow and Andrew Lloyd Weber (featuring Prince Harry on percussion)

Andrew Lloyd Weber and Gary Barlow! The ginger prince on maracas! African children singing sweetly! Prince Charles wobbling his head at the start of the video! What someone really needs to do with Sing is put a donk on it, either that or get Camilla Parker Bowles to do the equivalent of the John Barnes rap on World in Motion. This is too brilliant to be called bad, too awful to be called good. It’s ugly. Just like the monarchy in fact. This may be the last ‘The Good, the Bad and the Ugly’, as I think I may have committed treason and shall be hung in the tower to pay for my sins. So farewell, then; and vive la revolution.

By Joe Evans