Ellie Goulding


Immediate fail. That’s no name for a fucking pop star! At least Victoria ‘Little Boots’ Hesketh had the gumption to change her name before she got big. Ellie Goulding sounds like the miserable one that sat opposite you in A-Level History. And her tunes are just as uninspiring. Expect: Brit Award for Best Newcomer.

Jim Brackpool