This Week… We Turn 10, you don’t, and we’re tan our Anus’.


"We will leave the EU on 31 October, deal or no deal. The way to get a good deal is to prepare for a no deal." B. Johnson, 25 May 2019

"We will not be forgiven if we do not deliver Brexit on October 31" – B.Johnson, 5 June 2019

"[I would] rather be dead in a ditch [than ask the EU to delay Brexit beyond 31 October]" – B. Johnson, 5 September 2019


Christ, we're 10! 10 fucking years old. HB to us. And to oyu if it's your birthday. And if it isn't, then who the hell cares, this isn't a forum where we can actually communicate is it.

Here are some things we can do now we're 10…

  • Officially…according to Oxfords biggest culture hub, OXME.
  • You can have your ears pierced, but your parent may have to be with you. We'Il wait 'til we can go alone thanks.
  • You can choose your own religion. Nah, we're good.
  • You can be convicted of a criminal offence. Ok…
  • You can be convicted of a sexual offence – including rape, if you are a boy. Girls can be prosecuted too, under other laws. Fuck sake, OXME! Chill Out! This is way too heavy for a post-luch-pre-leaving-work-an-hour-early-I-have-the-doctors-again read.

We were thinking more along the lines of…

  • The same things I was doing and 9, 8 and 7. Probably not 6 and under as I was just an awkward little cunt then.
  • Smoke. Well, vape…
  • Drink. Alcohol
  • Dine out. KFC, Maccy Ds, Burger King.
  • Start thinking about NOT voting Tory, ever.
  • Start listening to music outside of my parents' music collection. We'll check back in another decade but it's time to spread our wings and rebel against convention. We're 10 muthafuckers!
  • Kids Spy Day (Virgin Experience)… Just kiddin, we're not bible belt Yanks.

  • Become and influencer. < All these definitely don't post about themselves. Pimps for parents!
  • Oh, doughnuts. Eat as many as we want. Thanks, Malcolm.
  • We're too young to think of anything else.

Glad we moved on from that bit tbh. It's risky business talking as if we're a ten year old kid, which, of course, we are not, though we all once were. This Week isn't all about us though, it's about the week of news and worldwide shit going on right now, yesterday, and for the previous three days.

Metaphysical Meagan happened this week. She tuned the world into sunning our perineum.

The Taoist pratice is a daily ritual, which she says need only be done for 30 seconds to feel the benefits. 30 seconds of life giving sun focused on the perineum — the area between the anus and genitals otherwise known as the gooch — was the equivalent to spending a day in the sun fully-clothed.

Roll on summer!

Cut throat politics today from the interim PM.

Bumbling, lying idiocy in-front of nurses from the PM all the time.

Lo-fi vapourwave politics with the PM right now.

Looks like he needs a bit of sun. I know just the thing…

Shhiiiittt, we nearly forgot it's Black Friday today. We just googled where it came from and it's made us sicker than we already were (because Malcolm — remember earlier — is leaving)

Give thanks. Then buy more. For less. But spend more overall. Ahh, doesn't it give you such a warm feeling inside?

Let's make a stand!

Bye (Buy)

Oh, and see you on the DF?