This Week… Planet Earth, Out.
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." – George Bush
"Christianity is the best way to cure gayness. Just get on your knees, take a swing of wine and accept the body of a man into your mouth." Stephen Colbert
"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage." – Mark Russell
Do you ever get the feeling that all forms of human life is going to be eradicated because a man wanted to dispel rumours about him being peed on in a Russian hotel room?
Because as I woke up at 7.30 this morning, rolled over and saw the news that Trump ordered a missile attack against an Assad held air base, a 'significant blow to US-Russia relations' according to the Kremlin, that's how I felt. By pissing off the Russians Trump is saying "hey, I can't have any ties to them because look what I did," a sort of totalitarian form of protecting ones reputation and own self-interests that is so reckless it can't help but be admired. I imagine it's a feeling not too dissimilar to being trampled by a Kardashian because you didn't morally agree with a Pepsi ad, or being glassed by Bill Gates because you spilt his pint.
It's a strange feeling, thinking how the destruction of our earth may be caused by a man who was stunned by Stone Cold Steve Austin at Wrestlemania 23. It's a form of woeful doom that you can't help but simply roll with because of its absurdity. A sort of 'I don't know how the fuck we got ourselves in this position but hey at least I'm doing something different', like pissing yourself in-front of all your ex partners as your cries are live streamed on the internet. It's a feeling of being totally and utterly fucked, but because the circumstances of why we're in this mess are so surreal we just go along with it. Like Mrs. Brown's Boys.
Personally, I've had a good life and I hope whoever is reading this has too. It's probably better that the total eradication will come at the hands of a reality TV star and a Russian man fond of riding horses topless. It's better this way. My Grandkids would probably be arseholes for example, and at least I may not have to pay my tax bill next year. That extra bit of money in my pocket could go towards my internet bill because if the end of the world is coming I at least want to tweet about it.
AND NOW FOR THE NEWS IN BRIEF…
BREXIT HITS PAGE 3
SOFT DRINKS ARE RUINED
Not been able to take San Pellegrino seriously since someone called it Tory Tango.
— Gavin Jackson (@GavinHJackson) April 4, 2017
SEAN SPICER LIES
Sean Spicer but every time he tells a lie his face gets smaller pic.twitter.com/0IKGe0tuB8
— Joe (@goulcher) April 6, 2017