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This Week… Engage

 
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"We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict." JM

“It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming!” DJ Trump

"Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and senators and congressmen and government officials, but the voters of this country." – F. D. Roosevelt

"I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan." – J. Gaffigan

What if instead of actually fighting Napoleon with swords and bayonets and whatever else people in the early years used to destory each other before hip-hop diss tracks were a thing, we just debated him?

What if Indiana Jones reasoned his way into the Nazi camp in Raiders of the Lost Ark and captured the Ark of the Covenenant from Hitler's grasp diplomatically because we're better than violence?

What if instead of just letting Stalin get a free pass because we all secretly wanted to bed him when he was a young stallion all our world leaders simply gave him a shoeing down a Moscow backalley?

I mean, I can't say for certain, but if we did all those things I think history would be a little different.

People may say that punching a nazi is wrong, or specifically that punching Richard Spencer after Trump's inauguration last Friday was wrong – and I agree with them in a way. There were so many things wrong with that act of violence. Firstly, the punch didn't make a satisfying 'thwack' or 'doof' sound when it connected on his man baby face. Spencer didn't even make 'yelp' or 'guh' sound that could have been sampled in progressive house Beatport top ten bangers for years to come. Secondly it may not have been hard enough, but I suppose no matter how hard a fisting he was on the receiving end of most of us would never be truly satisfied – much like your Dad included.

Now I'm not saying that everyone you disagree with politically you should just start impulsively punching into a bloody pulp. If I was we would all be repeatedly slamming our Gran's head against the corner of the dinner table at Christmas while your Mum rocks back and forth screaming 'EVERY YEAR WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS EVERY YEAR.' I'm not saying be reckless with your fists but mindful of who to place on the receiving end of it. Nazis are generally fine, Grannies not so much…unless of course they're Nazi Grans which let's face it, most are.

AND NOW FOR THE NEWS IN BRIEF

POOR TURNOUTS

PLAGUED POLITICIANS

AND MISSPELT PERSONS

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