"Never trust a man who, when left alone with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on." - Keith Chegwin
"Romance is like a game of cards: If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand." - Keith Chegwin
"Called up the spiritual leader of Tibet. He sent me a bloody goat. Turns out I called Dial A Llama" - Keith Chegwin
This Week... has been taken over by a total geezer, Keith.
"Haha, that's not my name but I'm glad you feel obliged to keep up the anonomity of this page. How are you?"
"I'm well, a little stiff but excited to be working again and can't wait to write this weeks edition of The Week!"
"It's called This Week... and we can't wait wait for your take over either. Just remember, keep it rolling at all times, don't go too heavy, the readers love memes, gifs, and D.R.U.G references."
"Ahh brilliant! Takes me back to the Multi-coloured Swap Show days. Only question is what's are me-me's and gifs?"
"This is a gif"
"And this is a meme"
"Yes, I have!"
Hi there Ransom Noters, thanks for letting me be your guide for all things 'current', no affairs to speak of but then I've been away from showbiz for a few years, HAHA! I'm going to give this my best shot, I hope you're up for a laff' today, troops? Let's get to it!
I remember first meeting Björn (ABBA, great band) at a Carlton Television charity Ball in Leeds, I think around 1972. We were sat at the bar after the show shooting the shit, so to speak, and he was talking about how they formed, Benny and him growing up, first meeting Agnetha and Anni-Frid. It was a facinating story that begun with Benny taking.
"Keith. Keep it short, please. News, yeah?"
"Christ, yeah sorry."
"Right, okay. No problem..."
"You got it, mate. Keep it going."
Have you seen this video before?
Read more about this crazy story of a 6m tall inflatable Trump! Click this text right here to view the article.
Have you seen the actor Danny Dyer rage about Brexit and the Former British Prime Minister, David Cameron? Click this text to read the story.
He called David Cameron a Twat, haha!
If there's one thing I hate, one thing!... it's biggots, and liars and Jimmy Savile, and Piers Morgan.
Can you believe UKIP are still going? Such a shame, c'mon Britain, you're better than that! Click this text to read the story I am talking about.
Do you like football? I don't mind it, I'm a Tranmere fan and England of course! Didnt they do well recently? I've found a fantastic article with all the players included for you to read up on. Click this taxt to see that article, it's really well researched.
I hope this isn't true. For all of the stories,being dragged through the press at times, Madonna is a real sweetheart. I have a great story about when I met her but maybe I'll save that for an op-ed piece soon?
"What do you think?"
"Erm... maybe. Not sure it's that relevant to our readership."
"One more thing I found and then I'm done."
"I met Prince William once. I've not met Mahmoud Abbas but one day I too hope to meet him in an independent Palestinian state."
"Okay, that's great Keith. Good job."
"Also, if anyone want's guestlist for this, let me know. I'm hosting, and have a few spaces left. Click here for free guestlist.
"Sure. Thanks for the offer, I'll be sure to let the team know. Anyway, thanks for today, Keith, you did a great job."
"Really? Aww thanks, mate. It was great fun. Would love to do another one soon"
"Yep, I'm sure we can sort. Thanks again."
"What you doing tonight, fancy a pint?
"Well, I'm supposed to be going to the new R$N bar in Forest Gate for Nick Hoppner's 'Touch From A Distance' Label Launch Instore at Tracks Bar."
"Perfect, I live in Forest Gate. What time?"
"I'm there already. See you later!"