Jay-Z, Bono, Rhianna

The people of Haiti can breathe a sigh of relief. Jigga and Jesus (The Return) have just roped in an aging guitarist and an irrelevant RnB bulldog to pip smarmy Susan Boyle perpetrator Cowell to the post and record a single that will fund absolutely nothing other than their own rotting egos. Someone needs to point out to Boner that its not the 80s anymore. People have (fingers crossed) learnt to be suspicious of this sort of manipulative, evil cack. Rather than reviewing this shabby example of the vileness of humanity, or indeed, even giving its correct title- heres a small, massively incomplete list of charities you can donate money to if you want to help the people of Haiti.

Whether a penny of it ever makes it to them is anyones guess, and personally Id steer clear of the missionaries.

Ian Mcquaid