View From The Side: Donald Trump, Illegal Immigrants & Laziness

"Donald Trump Offers Ilegal Immigrant Family $1 Million Dollar Loan To Prove Laziness Point"

Okay, I made that up, but it's not too far from everything else that's come out of Trump's mouth and his 2016 presidential campaign. It is based off the reality that he considered a $1M loan from his rich father to start off his real estate magnate career with as "small," and that's not adjusted for today's inflation, as well as his dependably xenophobic rhetoric. I immediately feel sorry for all the types that post whatever they were already going to say or believe about the subject, just from reading the headline. I would personally love to read all your knee-jerk Facebook status rants or 140 character Twitter responses, but I've long since unfollowed all of you in my newsfeed. Anyway, now that you're here, this piece is going to get the best of both worlds, the clicks and shares from sensational headlines and the satisfaction from actually having substance. That means it's not going to be about Donald Trump at all, CNN already gives the celebrity TV businessman 78% of its pre-debate primary coverage (along with an assortment of other mind numbingly lopsided data points. Trump can thank me later for the idea of a reality TV show based off this fake headline, which would make for a great next move when his bid for the presidency stops subsisting off hot air alone and finally deflates, leaving him with no other option but to find another way to control the spotlight.

What do we devote this occasion to then, besides the singular hairpiece blowing in the wind that is constantly flashing across our screens like that plastic bag scene from American Beauty:

but on a perpetual loop?

They're equally captivating, entertaining, and hard to look away, but for very different reasons. While both are unequivocally trash, the former's magnificent ugliness, like cut brakes leading to a head on collision of metal, only the wreckage twisted into towering and gaudy monuments of wealth, is a far cry from the street-level scene of a discarded bag dancing in the waywardly beauty of its newly found freedom. Dear Donald, Ultra Music Festival couldn't even keep teenagers who just wanted to get high on research chemicals to some carl alarm sounds and ogle half naked girls in furry boots out with their erected fence. That's in the heart of a Hispanic (for all intents and purposes, criminal, rapist Mexicans to you) heavy Miami only to have it collapse on one of its security guards, critically injuring her with two skull fractures and a broken leg. These kids are willing to learn parkour to get into a kiddy festival:

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just imagine what entire families would be willing to do to escape hardships and obtain a better future for themselves when faced with a wall or a fence at our borders. Yeah, sure they're not the same thing, but neither is your use of Israel as an example. Then there's the numbers, those pesky things…

I could always talk about that Democratic socialist Jewish candidate from Brooklyn, I think his name is Bernie Sanders, but I haven't seen it in the media that often, and when I do it's usually patronizing. He's probably the most believable candidate to the populous, but one nobody in establishment politics seems capable of believing in. One thing's for certain, the dude looks like a toddler learning to walk when he dances;

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you're not going to impress anybody at the rave with those moves. That doesn't stop him from being the most disco candidate out there, with obvious incitements of The Trammps' "Disco Inferno" as his supporters shout, "Bern, Baby, Bern."

America has come a long way in that nobody really cares about him being a Jew (a recent Gallup poll said 91% would vote for a Jewish president), maybe because he isn't into identity politics and doesn't really mention it much himself. We're still scared of socialism though, so he's going to have some 'splainin' to do there. Either way, that means that once again the Democratic side will live up to its progressive label one way or another, as we have the choice between the nation's first Jewish president or its first fembot one, albeit still in line with American nepotism and oligarchy models. Choose wisely.

President House