This Week...Suits, Satan And Something Else.

Commentary

"If I were God, I might be the only one not to believe in me." – S. Gainsbourg

"When posh boys are in trouble they sack the servants." – D. Skinner

"In my day we had real drugs and real music with real kickdrums and Pontins didn't even have beds." Ben ooooh fo

“I wasn’t sure if people would get the ‘8’ thing, but they did. It goes to show that when you take a big creative risk, it can really pay off.” – A. Lavigne

"In my day we snorted ground glass and chille to stay awake and Butlins had spikes instead of beds" J. Austin

The week according to me and nobody else.

MAN BUYS NEW CLOTHES

A man changed his suit this week in an act of defiance against a different item of clothing that was presumably in the wash or had become misshapen. Deciding to ignore the status quo of society by not wearing the exact same clothing every single day of his life the suit was a slim fitting blue number that screamed 'this is a literal suit'. Although reports are still unconfirmed at this moment in time it is rumoured that the suit trousers were put on one leg at a time, the shirt fastened using a series of devices called 'buttons' and the jacket draped over the shirt at the shoulders, with both arms being placed inside a sort of cloth tube designed to house said arms away from direct sunlight. The suit was worn by a talking piece of human flesh rambling on about hugging huskies or something I don't know nobody actually listened.

TRUMP JUST KEEPS ON CARRYING ON

You know when things just like, never die? Like Bruce Forsyth and that feeling of eternal regret every time you wake up and Trump? In a week that's seen Trump take an even bigger lead in the running for the Republican nomination he's also had a Chicago rally shut down because of protests, something which he blamed on 'Bernie Sanders supporters' because hey, you can't fully become Hitler until you blame a jew for your problems right? Well technically you can so for the sake of arguments let's play Hitler Bingo. Oversaw violent measures by a governed force on those who oppose you? Check. Stoking the fires of racial tension for political gains? Check. Love of dogs? Sort of. His own wife even told Vanity Fair in a 1990 interview that Trump kept a book of Hitler's speeches by his bed. You can pick up a transcribed copy on Amazon titled 'Crippled America: How To Make America Great Again'.

IRISH CELEBRATED

In lighter news it's that time of the year again where everybody who is anybody celebrates the Irish, except of course for the gays and the Italians. As an English-born man I'm a little out of touch on the traditions of the Irish but I and many others take this day to engulf ourselves in the culture by donning a very tall hat in the shape of a pint of Guinness. Yes when I spend my night in a Leicester Square branch of Wetherspoons drinking the black liquid for that one day of the year I know Irish people are looking down…up? No across, they're looking across at me and are proud that I am appropriating their entire history and struggles with one very tall hat. And as I leave the celebrations for another year riding along on my fold-up bike stopping briefly for a Big Mac and some racially motivated drunken abuse at a taxi driver I toast to thee, the Irish. Onwards to Burns Night.