This Week…Boris Is A B**Tard…But He’s Our B**Tard
BORIS IS A B**TARD…BUT HE'S OUR B**TARD
"Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store." – The Grinch
"I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia." – Woody Allen
Something strange happened to me this week and I can't understand it. My girlfriend has been waking up in the middle of the night to find me sitting on the edge of the bed, 'go back to sleep sweetheart' I say then turn to face the blank wall and attempt to comprehend my thoughts. I'm not eating, and I spend my days walking the streets without intention or direction. I may never understand it, but this week I agreed with Bors Johnson.
Boris Jorgnson this week accused Saudi Arabia of being 'puppeteers' in the Middle East, the latest in a series of 'gaffes' caused by the Foreign Secretary. Quickly disputed by the government because oil, lovely lovely oil, the comments made by Johnononsong have thrown up questions about his suitability for the job. He's not alone in this, the Pope's satisfaction ratings dwindled a little bit too this week, albeit for slightly different reasons…
Yes, Shborgis may have helped push us out of the EU, but I can't help but wonder if there's a bigger plan to all this. After our original scorning maybe Blorbis is the only man capable of bringing the world to order. Maybe his life's work has been to infiltrate politics to bring it down from the inside and topple the house of cards. Like a cop from an 80s straight to VHS action film he's a loose cannon, he's a bastard…but he's OUR bastard. He runs by his own gun and not only does he not play by the book, he's never even read the damn thing. Johnschlongle is one man army intent on bringing to justice the wrong-doers of this world one fumbling press conference at a time.
Maybe we should even stop calling him Borgillistoopler and name him 'Renegade Johnson' instead as he roundhouse kicks his way through British politics, a one man Etonian whirlwind who wouldn't think twice about throwing you through a window if you disagree with his proposed trade deals. He isn't perfect, but neither is Steven Seagal in the 1994 environmental action-adventure film 'On Deadly Ground'. Much like Steven Seagal in the 1994 environmental action-adventure film 'On Deadly Ground' you may not agree with his way of working but my god, he gets the job done…just stay out of his way while he does it.
Actually…nah, I think I'm talking shite.