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‘This Morning’ Shocks A Nation With Bondage Re-Enactment

 
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Yesterday, This Morning, ITV's flagship breakfast show, long a favourite of bored housewives, bunking school kids and bong addled students, managed to raise a few eyebrows with a section entitled 'Bondage for Beginners'. FILTH! Screamed twitter, although, as it turned out, watching 'sexpert' Annabelle Knight thrust face masks, nipple clamps, and cock ticklers into the withered, leathery grasp of Phillip Schofield, whilst a lingerie clad couple writhed on a bed in the background, was by far the least erotic thing British screens have seen since this 1970s beard-having genius broke down Non-Euclidian Geometry on the Open University. You can watch the This Morning depravity below. I wish I could say NSFW, but c'mon. I mean, it's hardly Charlie 'hot stuff' Dimmock gardening.

 

That didn't stop the complaints rolling in, with around 50 disgruntled viewers dialing Ofcom to voice their outrage, and, what I believe is known as a 'twitter storm' emerging on social media, featuring such gems as

 

Dude. You're on the sofa, in the daytime with your parents. Your 38. I think there's more you need to address than bondage on This Morning.

Still, it could be worse, you could, instead, be this charmer:

 

OK, not actually sure what Stan's issue is – the bondage? The 'sexpert'? A raging and constant red mist of horniness? All I know is that my man hashtags 'Brass', and I find that terrifying.

This campaigner for justice has got a different problem:

I blame the FemiNazis Dick! Vote UKIP! 

OK, and finally, I'm not actually sure if this next one is in reference to the bondage section. Jesus I hope not.

Pervy sex? Bondage? Inappropriate day time activities? All we know is that this would never, ever have happened when Schofield was sitting in the Broom Cupboard at the BBC. That place has standards.