THIS WEEK… unfortunate Iconic Crossings, Cats And Sweaty Whopper-Eating

"I have an unfortunate personality." – O. Welles

"Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it." – N. Douglas

"Nature is a mutable cloud which is always and never the same." – R. W. Emerson

If you ever thought it was a good idea to recreate the Beatles' iconic Abbey Road album cover, it's not. If you have, you're a traffic stopping nightmare and look who your mascot is now, strutting uncomfortably over that zebra crossing. Seem's that acting like an animal doesn't stop at our squishy faced, rancid PM's pedestrian etiquette. If you still think it's good idea head here to the Abbey Road Camera and look at all the other twits retracing the steps of our bowl-cut LSD lovers then listen up. If you're an adventurous type, up for the lolz, "a do-er, not an on-looker", you too, can venture to the white-striped road section, pull your best awkward arm swing and pretend you are not looking for the hidden camera either. Hold that exact time of your crossing in your mind, nurture it and watch back with added pixel.

Let's drop a reminder that tonight is Big Wave's Nordic Rave at the Pickle Factory with Telephones, Skatebård and Bjørne Torske. Pets on the decks and cats in strobes have got us in the BIG WAVE ZONE. That one with the long torso at the back has even got glowing gherkins in it's hands.

If you're planning a get away this bank holiday you should go to Finland. If you've ever looked into it (maybe you've even been you well travelled sod) you'll know that Helsinki is a really great European city for you to freeze your balls off in. That's all changing now, thanks to Burger King. They have just opened a spa in one of their Finnish joints. Now you can round up your mates, go on a nice city break, freeze your balls off and communally warm 'em back up in the 15-seat sauna. TV's, gaming lounges and Playstations will be there and for the price of your entire holiday (£250 – flights, accom and transfers), you can sweat out any cultural insight you may have gained during a tour of the city, plus shame and guilt while you all guffaw at the irony of eating a Whopper meal, in Finland, whilst wiping condensation off your shoulders. Shame they have Playstation's installed, though. We prefer the Wii and it's glorious polyphonic soundtrack.