Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #22


It’s real gusty out there today.

Storm Doris (although I wanna say Dolores – gahhhh Westworld’s such old news, how could that name have permeated so?) is battering and the social media posts are littered with references. Mine included. I do love a good storm, especially here in the UK. Gale force winds and all. It sets my head a-spinning though & makes concentration hard. I’m struggling to hold a train of thought let alone write a weekly column. Brain’s been blasted off, like (hehehe she has all the excuses….).  

But seriously, in the spirit of research I just got drawn into a downwards YouTube spiral of 1980’s Canadian Weather Network. The soothing sounds of piped elevator music coupled with teletext-type graphics had me memorised for hours (no joke). When I was a kid, I remember going round friends’ houses where adults would be as equally zoned out in front of the TV. You had Hockey Night for thrills and then you had TWN for relaxation. Perfect balance. Flip a coin, one or the other, accompanied with the pfzzzzz of an ice cold Molson’s. Back in the 90s Canadians watched more telly per capita than any other nation. Fact. And I bet a good portion of this was mind-numbing wonders. Talk about Brave New World.

‘Oh look, the wind’s changed in Winnipeg and precipitation’s up a whole 75.34 from the February norm’. All going on in one’s head, secured one’s La-Z-Boy, scratch the chin. And I’m not joking, this was a national pastime. 

Fast-forward to the morning after, I imagine my fellow Canuckians, bellies full of Tim Hortons and cornflakes huddled ‘round the photocopier, discussing the nation’s ‘HOT / COLD SPOTS’. There’s something really comforting in that, like my own Norman Rockwell – a painted memory. Or a Red Robin’s Teriyaki Chicken; you cross the boarder but you know it’s still gonna be the same shaped breast with the same grill marks, served with the same round of pineapple. 

Scratch the surface and such covenant can only mask a deeper malaise. Imagine an entire nation anaesthetised for like, over a decade. Sure the Centennials are coming of age but we all know it takes more than a generation to shake the ways of the past. 

This is Trudeau-land, in case you’ve been duped by his good looks and seemingly placid nature. Don’t forget that he too comes from a legacy of rolling weather reports & generic road-side dining. Not to be trusted, if you ask me. Remember, the Zamboni just smooths the service. And he rules the second largest territory on earth! Brrrrrrrrrr. 

What am I getting at? You tell me, but you’ll be pleased to know the wind’s subsided. In saying that, my mind’s still in a jumble & I’m still intoxicated by the maple leaf. Best jump across the border and hand the reins to Avalon on Ghostly International. You can see Windsor from Ann Arbour and it’s all in the title, right? 


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