Brenda’s Unfortunate Record #16


I’m stood in my studio scanning the walls thinking: "what the fuck am I gonna write about now?"

The world’s bracing itself for the inauguration of the next US president, an ever looming, impending Brexit is as unclear as ever & Syria seems to have petered off our newsfeeds. This whole writing personal anecdotes seems a bit lavish & self-indulgent. 

But that’s what I’m here for so I’ll start with the track. Sascha Funke ‘In Reaktionen’ …. 

Yes, let’s write about right now. In reaction to. Get your fucking head down, knuckle-down. I (like you, like her, like him), am plunging into the unknown. And what’s the best way to tackle it? Can’t really say, can we? Now the afterglow of the last century has well and truly set, we're just wading our way through like the rest. 

So I pick up my bass guitar and distract myself with 40 minutes of YouTube tutorials. I’ve been trying to brush up on my skills. And then I eat an orange. The rain outside sounds cold, viscidly tapping at the window and is maybe beginning to give me a headache. They say it’ll turn to snow soon. And then I check on the cats. They’re both entrenched on the bed upstairs, curled up in little balls cause it’s another cold, winter day. I come back down.

Over on the wall, Hans Wagner, owner of Continental Giant, Herman The German smiles cheekily. The newspaper clipping has followed me from the old Battant Scrutton Street days. I’ve plastered it on every studio since & looking at him now, reckon he probably ignited my love of Maine Coons (the far more couth end of oversize pets, being natural and all. Overfeeding your hares has long been frowned upon by the RSPCA. Don’t be tempted).

Initially it was just the ridiculously big paws, droll farmer and general bewilderment that this world existed which I found funny, but reading the piece today is even more entertaining:

“Britain bounced back in the battle of superbunnies yesterday after claims that a rabbit from Germany is the biggest in the world. Pet shop owner Annette Edwards claimed that her pet, Roberto, made his teutonic counterpart look like a dwarf. He is 3ft 6in from the tips of his back legs to his front paws and weighs an astonishing 35lbs. This compares with a mere 3ft and 22lbs claimed by the German contender Herman”.

The fact Annette Edwards is an ex-playboy model just adds to the delight. Post-Brexit, Post-truth, Post-Obama … I squeal with glee at all the allegories. 

So here I am – in reaction to all that’s going on – being vague, getting distracted, dodging the real issues whilst still effectively letting them affect me … wondering what to say, what to do, not doing much. In reaction. In reaction to everything, not saying much. In reaction to this and in reaction to that, I’ll hand it over to Sascha Funke. Til next week, yeah?


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