Zsa Zsa Sapien is the bile infused spokesman for South London disco punks Meatraffle. Somewhere between a Southern Mark E Smith and a binging pisshead shouting at the job centre (and how much difference is there between the two, eh?). Zsa Zsa has previously provided us with the greatest answers for a Track by Track feature.
"Clocks are thugs, the yeomanry of the bourgeoisie."
It was probably our favourite line to date. He's recently teamed up with man about town Mutado Pintado to record Musical Confrontation, an album of rabble rousing wonders. Mutado is probably known to a bunch of you as the howling preacher who delivers sermons over Paranoid London's rustbucket techno. He's nothing if not a multi-tasker, and can also be found popping up as the front man of Fat White Family offshoot Warmduscher, and the chief speaker in Save! : a link up between Marc from Colder and Ivan Smagghe. As we say, a busy man.
Knowing that both chaps are never, ever short of an opinion, we asked them to quiz each other on some finer points. Questions covered celebrity murder, LSD in education, and personal imprisonment. It makes an illuminating read.
Mutado questions for Zsa Zsa...
How does it feel to be in the black?
Inside I feel that G.E.R.D has not improved one little bit . But in theory it's better not to be in the red.
What was the first album you had sex to?
The first record I had sex to was a HIFI News test record, I took this girl back to my house once and showed her my HIFI, I had a Townsend Elite Rock turntable at the time and I was showing her how to align the cartridge to the Tonearm with a protractor, from the Test record. I looked behind me and she was just standing there wearing nothing but her mohair knickers. I think she was a HIFI nut too!
Is it true you once single handedly took out the Falcon Pubs Rugby night in protest of gentrification of Battersea?
Yeah I was at The Falcon in Battersea, and there was a load of these Yup Yups watching the rugby, shirts with collars up, tucked in fat arse pleated chinos, real Will Carling lookalikes . Well anyway, one of them was being really rude to the barmaid who I really liked, she used to wear 7 watches on one arm, a real freak . So this guy basically made her cry, which got me crying, so I popped around the corner to Halfords and bought a pair of pliers, walked into the pub and cut all the mains supplies, and just walked out, to roars of WTF! The girl behind the bar then had the biggest smile on her face .
Who's a better drummer Fats or Chris OC?
They are both very handsome for drummers, Fats is the sort of bloke I'd go for if i was gay.
If public executions where legal, and you got to put five people in the shitter who would they be, and what 5 songs would you play during intermissions?
Kate Hopkins - Do the Salamader by Warmduscher,
Tony Blair - Cygnus x-1 by Rush
Rupert Murdoch- The Wickerman by Meatraffle
Hilary Clinton - Shady Ladies by The Grande Dame
Mumford and Sons - errrrr Mumford and sons
Zsa Zsa questions for Mutado..
What is your opinion on the royal family ?
Have not seen it but it's on my list of things to watch.
If you had a chance of visiting the future or past, what would it be and why?
I would definitely head for the future, and preferably right when the meteor hits! I'd get to the salt bogs, or where ever they find frozen people millions of years later. I'd insert various things into my ass like a box of acid, a copy of Rembrant Pussyhorse, a couple refreshers, and a few copies of whitehouse just to make it interesting for whatever digs me up and examines me.
Have you ever been to prison, and why?
I have somehow managed to avoid prison, which is no easy task with Americas privatized prison system. I have wound up in jail a few times though and for no fault of my own, one time with that reprobate Fats for bailing him out of a fist fight in the now defunct Rawhide. He flew into a rage when the refused to serve him and I got jumped. Not on.
North or South London?
Definitely South, where else can I play Bols in the park, drink Pims til the wee hours of the night, and then listen to a few records at your hi-fi palace? The North kind of makes me feel like having to burp when your talking when I'm there, It's insane! As soon as I get out of the tube I'm doing that weird burp talk thing where I'm looking up with my chin tucked into my neck and talking with a deep voice and trying to take breaths. It's definitely a type of gag reflex that I'm not ready to deal with.
Should LSD be a part of the national diet, and what is the sensible age for inducement ?
LSD should be mandatory learning for children starting at the age of 7. If they say you should be learning foreign language by then well a few hits of window payne should be OK as well. I don't necessarily mean take it then, but learn about it and how to handle a good or bad one, what music is good to listen to, books to read etc.. Just like when I went to school and learned about pilgrims for 10 fucking years, let them learn about acid. How to make it, how much to take, the difference between gel caps and blotter, and finally when they are old enough and mature enough, they get to take it. Easy peasy as they say in France. The world wins.
Zsa Zsa Sapien & Mutado Pintado - Musical Confrontation is out now. Buy a copy from over here you tight bastard.