special disco mention #16: charles saatchi


This is going to be a short, descriptive version of Special Disco Mention – so as to avoid a court case or (even better) a bruising from this week’s subject, Charles Saatchi. 

Here are the facts – 70 years old. Good friend of dear old Lady Thatcher. Definitely not guilty of assaulting his soon to be ex wife Nigella Lawson outside of a restaurant. Merely helping her get something off her nose (coke, naturallment). Definitiely not guilty of then dragging his ex wife’s name through the gutter press in order to ‘win’ any kind of divorce ‘battle’. Definitely NOT a sh*tbag of a human being. No, this is Charles Saatchi, king of the universe. 

Advertising guru (cigarettes and the conservative party his specialties in the 80s), multi-millionaire, friend of the arts and general all round good egg. Charles Saatchi, one of us! Now in the news for challenging Greek gazillionaire Taki Theodoracopulos to a CAGE FIGHT(!), over comments Taki made about Charles, including the elegantly phrased insult that he was ‘among the world’s most disgusting men’. Well, Charles (let’s call him Charlie from now on, he won’t mind) is nothing if not a man of honour! What would you do under the circumstances?  You’d challenge the fucker to a cage fight, preferably to the death. Obviously. There is NOTHING wrong with two old men donning their leotards and climbing into a cage to hammer the shit out of each other, no rules, no holds barred! ‘Watch me beat my chest like dominant gorilla, watch me gouge out the eyes of a 77 year old ailing Greek man to illustrate my raw virile nature’! Charlie Saatchi, what a guy.

He lol’d when he saw ‘Ms Taki’s’ article in the Spectator defending Nigella (the silly coke-addled mare) and Charlie’s elegant retort in an open letter ” it was very hapless of you to spring to Nigellas defence last week, as she always found you toe-curlingly vile, and would have been aghast at having you as her valiant supporter.” doesn’t in any way miss the point that Nigella has probably put another man at the top of her ‘toe-curlingly vile’ list since then. 

Anyway, we love you Charlie, you big playful bully – here’s a toast to you (and the day you get your head split into a thousand pieces by a man seven years your senior while wearing a lycra suit emblazoned with a young Margaret Thatcher’s face). Team Charlie, unite!