Ukip Plan ‘We’re Not Racist’ Carnival In Croydon

Love Parade? Yesterdays news mate. Notting Hill? Pah. Old hat. Rio? Whatevs… It turns out that 2014 is going to see a new king on the Carnival block – The UKIP Croydon Carnival. That's right, UKIP, famed champions of multi-culturalism, are planning to host there very own 'see we're not racist' carnival down in Croydon. This mind boggling news was announced in none other a news source than the Croydon Advertiser  – you best be quick though; the carnival is happening TODAY at 2.30pm – and by carnival, they mean that a steel band is going to play, every UKIP MP who's even the slightest shade of off white is going to be forced to attend, and Nigel Farage is making a speech where he tries to move on from his party insulting Romanians, Lenny Henry, Nelson Mandela, Steven Lawrence's family, all women regardless of race, and every single person of African (sorry, Bongo Bongo Land) descent.

God knows what Paul Nuttall, deputy UKIP chairman will make of the carnival though – “Brits fear all immigrants," he announced on Question Time recently, somewhat presumptiously assuming that a huge swathe of British people are shit scared of their parents,  "regardless of where they would come from.”

Competition time! We'll happily pay 20 whole English pounds to anyone who can make it down to Croydon and get a shot of themselves daggering in front of Farage.  Here's the kind of thing we're after: