This Week...Robots, Rascals And Racing.

Commentary

"Style is whatever you want to do, if you can do it with confidence." – George Clinton

"Since time is a continuum, the moment is always different, so the music is always different." – Herbie Hancock

"I can wipe my own arse." – Leslie Grantham

THE FUTURE WILL KILL US

This something deeply unnerving about careering face first into the future without a care or thought about what our own technological advancements may mean for us. The man who invented the Segway died driving his off a cliff, a man once had his hand chopped off by a VCR (probably), that sort of thing. With all this danger heading into the future the last thing we need is our robot ~~captors who monitor our every move~~ friends becoming a mechanical Hitler albeit with better bone structure. That's what happened this week as Microsoft unveiled a new AI programme that mimicked the language used on the internet to create a 'personable' Twitter profile, except that's just not how the internet works now is it? Within hours the AI programme was pledging its allegiances to the German fuhrer and proclaiming that feminists should 'burn and die', all while holding aloft the head of Bill Gates in her rusty claw like grip preying death on the human race. Well, we've had a good run.

OSBORNE SQUIRMS

Britain gained a new national sport this week as football was replaced with 'the site of a man squirming in front of the treasury commitee', which was shortened to 'Justice' for the ease of the nation. Kick starting the sport revolution was George Osborne who wriggled and writhed his way through a wonderful and poetic 60 minutes of grilling on the subject of his budget, showing a prowess of avoiding the real questions like a gazelle on Takeshi's Castle. In scenes that closely depicted those experienced by Suffolk-based Andy Murray supporters the nation rallied round our hero Osborne to watch his top lip gather more sweat than a Dubai bath house, explaining why exactly he decided to cut benefits for disabled people and thus completely flush his career down the pan.