This Week…Halloween, Northern Ireland & trump
What the hell did you get up to this halloween? Were you successful in making your sexy cat/dog/nun/Michael Portillo outfit null and void by vomitting up on yourself? Did you put fireworks through your English teachers letterbox like we did once and then regret it for the rest of your life like I do (sorry Mr Stringer)? Did you spend 5 weeks and two months wages on your uber-realistic Iron Man outfit only to find out that everybody thinks your the worst person in the world and thus you dragged your lame self home to cry in the bath? Whatever you did these guys did it better. Or worse, depending how you look at it.
How do you bottle up all that self-resentment and crippling fear of loneliness? Turn the source of it into a Halloween costume of course.
What's a Halloween costume if it's not going to keep you up all night rocking back and forth?
Obligatory topical Simpsons-related gif.
In my humble opinion nothing will every beat this Halloween moment however.
WHAT THE HELL ELSE HAPPENED THIS WEEK?
NORTHERN IRELAND VOTE YES FOR SAME SEX MARRIAGE. DOESN'T HAPPEN ANYWAY.
So those literal boner killers in Northern Ireland's Democratic Union Party blocked a vote that supported gay marriage. Have you never been to Dalston Superstore DUP? It's fucking great and plus, LOADS of people love the gays.
ISIS may be all for overthrowing Western civilisation through savage beheadings and public stonings but try and tear them away from a Friday night in watching Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
Like seriously, they're all for it.
HEY NORTHERN IRELAND, you're pissing off beer chugging professional wrestler turned America's go-to guy when wanting to open a can of whoop ass Stone Cold Steve Austin now.
ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER FLIES 9 HOURS FROM NEW YORK TO SHIT ON LOW INCOME FAMILIES. FLIES BACK.
DONALD TRUMP RIGHT FOR THE JOB ACCORDING TO THIS MAN WHO SPOKE TO GOD.
American Christian speaker Lance Willnau gave Donald Trump a 'prophetic prayer' this week after he had a bit of a chinwag with the big man upstairs about Donald Trump's presidential bid. God, apparently a fan of men who despise immigrants and overtake entire communities in Scotland to build golf courses, gave Trump an "anointing for the mantle of government in the United States" and expects him to "prosper" in the position. God, also apparently a man with a crippling gambling addiction that is ruining his life, was unavailable for comment.
WOMAN HAS TATTOO OF JUDGE JUDY.
Does what it says on the tin.
Do you lie awake at night wondering what mid-2000s synth pop cum pre-watershed rapper Just Jack is up to nowadays? Turns out this 40 year old man is still making songs that soundtrack the greatest GCSE years of your life, as a 40 year old man. Who knew? Nobody, but we all kinda assumed.