This Week…Everything That’s Worse Than A Trump Presidency
“He had it on a plate, he had the sausage, bacon and eggs on it as well, but he couldn't take it.” – C.Kamara
"I like to hear all the noise in the forest. I think I am like an animal, like a prehistoric man. It's in my nature" – D. Trump
"Football kits must not have any political, religious or personal slogans, statements or images. Just cars and insurance companies" – F. Ifa
It's almost over, the bane of our existence for what has felt like 5 eternities is almost over. On Tuesday the American people will cast their votes in the Presidential elections, basically like a version of Strictly Come Dancing but with more orange makeup and everything was fueled by a shit load of cocaine, legal highs and animal-like cannibalism.
Before the announcement comes next week, where we will either be furiously tutting to a Clinton presidency or looting Tesco's for imperishable food supplies while selling our first born on the side of the road for a tank of petrol dressed in leather chaps and a mohawk going by the name of something like 'Bonecrusher' or 'Speed Fr33k' for that is the norm now in this Mad Max-esque civilisation we find ourselves in, we look at everything that could be worse than a Trump Presidency.
0-60 in 0.000000001 seconds with this one. I think most will agree that death is probably the worst thing that can happen to anybody so on paper, it's worse than Trump becoming leader of the free world. Yes, there are some instances where it might not be better, if you pass at the age of 120 surrounded by your family or are crushed by a hug from Idris Elba perhaps, but on the whole it's pretty bad. Pogo sticking on a minefield would be worse, an industrial accident involving thousands and thousands of pounds worth of fudge would be worse, dying dressed as a giant Noddy at Butlins would be worse, a pneumatic fisting accident at a fetish club in Wigan would be worse, being glassed by Les Dennis in a miners welfare would be worse, crying all the liquid out of your body would be worse, taking part in Paul Daniels' final ever disappearing man trick only to find yourself transported to the void of ethereal void of time and space, hurtling towards nothingness with only your mind to keep you company which fades day by day into insanity as you tumble further and further down into a sea of everlasting black. The list can go on and on but you get the idea.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S EVERYTHING THAT IS WORSE THAN TRUMP BEING PRESIDENT.
AND NOW…FOR THE GOOD NEWS.
you'll get your brexit…… if you can trigger article 50…. in THE HOUSE OF COMMONS pic.twitter.com/ZWA86tbxO7
— Stan The Golden Boy (@tristandross) November 3, 2016
OH SHIT, THERE ISN'T ANY…
"Do they look evil enough?"
"I was thinking the same."
"Try a blue filter."
"There we go." pic.twitter.com/wk1EChkTzP
— Jack Tindale (@JackTindale) November 3, 2016
A NATION OF WIDNES WORM KILLERS…
#justicefordave – rewarded for being special by being put to death!https://t.co/3IWq2xCEFE
— Sue Hayward (@SueHayward5) November 4, 2016