This Week…A Brief History Of Banter
“It’s not how hard you hit, it’s how hard you can get hit” – A. Sugar
"The answer my friend, is blowin' speed up your own arse" – B. Dylan
"This scary craze gives us real clowns a bad name. It’s no joke" – Bibbledy Bob
A BRIEF HISTORY OF BANTER
There’s only one story that I can really talk about this week, isn’t there? That’s right, the news first reported by the Bury Mercury that the B1063 road between Clare and Hendon has been reopened after a road accident which…oh sorry, that's not it. It is obviously the fact that a candidate for President openly bragged about committing sexual assault. My bad, I got a little confused about the important news stories of the week.
Banter, locker room talk, chewing the fat, whatever you call it these terms have been used to parry attention away from sexist, homophobic, insulting and derogatory language since the dawn of time and the world is generally a much better place because of it. For example the crusades? We were just trying to spread our unique form of banter across the globe. The cold war? Stop being so uptight they were just two guys having banter with nuclear weapons nothing was ever going to ACTUALLY happen. South Korea's just having a laugh you…bloody…butt muncher. The Iraq War? The was just a series of exchanges of banter that became on invasion of bare jokez to try and overthrow a guy who had ZERO banter but supposedly had the capability to produce Weapons of Mass Beerlairyness which culminated in all the MEGALOLZ we are experiencing today.
In a world without banter and 'locker room talk' men, and it is only men, would have to select their words carefully without being able to justify those words by saying 'hey, I can't help having a dick so stop being so uptight'. Let me ask you a few questions. Do you want to live in a world where you can't tell your Nan to go fuck herself after drinking half a bottle of Gordon's on Christmas day? Of course you don't. What world would we live in where you can't rush in to a church and scream "GOD IS A LIE" and put that down to just wanting to issue them with a good bantering? A world where you PC loving liberal elites would own the world, that's what. Imagine a place where without banter you couldn't walk the streets accosting newborn babies to tell them that life is just one repetitive disappointment after another and that they have been screwed over simply by being gifted life? You would be made to stand up for your actions and that is not a place that I want to live in.
AND NOW FOR THE NEWS IN BRIEF…
STURGEON MAKES PLAN FOR SECOND SCOTTISH REFERENDUM
WORLD STAYS POSITIVE
AS POUND TUMBLES FURTHER TEESIDERS TRY ALTERNATIVE CURRENCIES