This Week… We Got 5 On It, Paul Danan and a Massive Pasty


“I don't do drugs. I am drugs" – Salvador Dali

“I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police" – Keith Richards

“Cocaine is God’s way of telling you are making too much money" – Robin Williams

“The smell of opium is the least stupid smell in the world” – Jean Cocteau

“If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid" – Eddie Izzard

This Week… there is no news… or is there? Between Theresa May whining her Conservative batty in South Africa to her whining her batty some more in Kenya on her three day tour of South African, Nigeria, and Kenya, it's been a pretty dire week for news. We've had Colleen Nolan called two-faced – TWO-FACED!! – by Kim Woodburn on Loose Women. London is up in arms because of the Oat Milk shortage, which has caused several spats in trendy coffee shops acorss the capital. And Crossrail is delayed until 2045. Just joking. Lol. £600m over budget and nine months late — it was supposed to be finished by Christmas.

Yeah sorry, let's ramp it up a bit, eh…

What's this?

That's butter.

A big lot of butter.

But why?

Big food, that's why! Look here.

Big sub.

Big samosa.

Big gingerbread house.

Conservative batty.

Anti-plastic. Anti-fucking-rhythmic. Anti-human.

Right, on to the good stuff… Paul Danan's back. You heard. Paul Danan… remember him? Some of you weren't even born when he was cool — he was Sol off Hollyoaks.

Remember now?

It doesn't matter if you don't, he's back now and revealing a lot about his life back then when he was an industry schmoozer.

And one more for luck…

Follow him on Instagram right here.

Back to some of the previous shit news. This is one of the saddest and most irritating pieces of daytime telly I've ever wasted 8 minutes on. How does this show exist?

Sadiq Khan's the new inflatable Trump baby. Protesters have been given permission to fly a bikini-clad blimp of the London mayor, with campaigners raising £58,182 for the 29ft-long 'baby Khan', which will hover over Parliament Square on 1st September.

Tit for tat.

Never answers the question. Ever. Just say what you want and it'll all be okay.

Now take a look at this dog licking out another dog. It's fucking rank and NSFW.

Is it the weekend yet?

Pikes On Sundays – Ransom Note Takeover – 9th September

Ciao x