This Week... Rain & Germs, Germs & Rain

Commentary

"In a way, the popularity of Corona came too fast for its own good, initially. We took a few steps back." Carlos Alvarez

"My mum made the best roasts." – Craig David

"I'm going to make this T-Shirt up saying, 'you can either be right or be happy.'" – Seal

It's a bit bloody bleak eh? I mean it's nearly March for heaven's sake and here we all are surrounded by water up to our window sills and snake flu.

Coronavirus has well and truly touched dowin in the not so United Kingdom and there's a bit of 'every man for themselves' going on. If you don't believe me try sneezing on the train? Watch as the wave of fear spreads amidst anxious passengers – feet shuffle, backs turn, faces scowl and all of a sudden you find yourself alone on the central line at 8am. It's wonderful! I've been having coughing fits and throwing up violently in bins across the city for a whole week now and life has never been better! Who knew London was so spacious?!

Elsewhere bumbling Boris has been accused of going AWOL following torrential rainfall up and down the country, to be fair though who actually wants to visit Yorkshire at the best of times? Anyway, what are they complaining about? York has a bloody moat. Y'know, one of those tall things, big wall? Keeps out barbarians, cows, hobbits, nazis, lazy postmen and water… maybe.

Lent also began this week for all those good Christian types. That means no chocolate, no booze, no meat, no carbs, no sugar, no crisps, no weed, no heroin, no gear or none of whatever other miscellaneous substance you have chosen to give up this lent. This is all of course before being lured back in by the murky temptations of sin after approximately 2.5 days.

Guilt then follows. Repeat process for 40 days.

CONGRATULATIONS! You have successfully completed EASTER!