This Week… Dixon, Delegates, Disaster.
"I feel a lot of people listen to what I have to say." – Donald Trump
"I have a great relationship with the Mexican people." – Donald Trump
"People love me. And you know what, I have been very successful. Everybody loves me." – Donald Trump
TRUMP AT FULL SPEED
26/05/2016 will be a date that will live in infamy. It will be the point in time that future freedom fighters will travel back to as they pinpoint that date as the moment everything went wrong in the world, think Terminator 2 but more racist and with a dangerously low amount of Public Enemy t-shirts. Yes it was 26/05/2016 when Donald Trump gained the amount of delegates necessary to officially become the Republican nominee for president, a sentence I never thought I would ever have to write alongside “since when did H from Steps present Question Time?” and “I’m too drunk to sing karaoke”. While this comes as no surprise it’s very sad once it happens, like when you’re Nan confirms herself as a little bit racist or when the time comes for David Attenborough to make his way into the next life. It makes you lose faith in humankind a little bit and everything becomes a little worse as Trump rides his all dominating steed in a one horse race of destruction, violence and terrible hair. Still though, at least we have a plot to Looper 2…
BPOP GOES POP
What do you get if you put Alesha Dixon, Nigel Farage and 20,000 people who think migration is bad and overcooked British breakfasts are good? An arena filling concert and political rally it seems as #bpoplive readies itself for the biggest political music event since Band Aid 30 offended an entire continent and Bob Geldof didn’t pay his taxes. Except there’s one thing missing, a lack of ‘Mis-Teeq’ if you will as the shows big hitters were quick to distance themselves from the inaugural B Pop Live, an event that’s set to celebrate what it means to be British by inviting an ex-Strictly Come Dancing host to perform amid a sea of bald men, women called Linda and out of work plumbers. Aside from Alesha Dixon (not to be confused with that guy from Innervisions who doesn’t smile) 5ive were also forced to cancel their appearance stating that they weren’t aware of its political message but realistically they were probably double booked with a Sainsbury’s opening in Dagenham. East 17 were also forced to pull out which is sad as ‘Stay Another Day’ would have held some sort of beautiful irony and oh, tickets are still available.
BORIS REVEALS JEDI POWERS, REVEALS PLANS TO BREXIT ENTIRE GALAXY
NIGHT TUBE CONFIRMED
SOMETHING HAPPENS ON GAME OF THRONES