This Week… Composing Yourself Near Idiots, The Mafia Or Boris Johnson


“Groundhog Day? I don’t know you were in to war films” – A. King

“My first and only aim as the Secretary of State for International Development is to put the interests of British taxpayers and the world’s poor at the front of our development work.” – A. Nother Liar

“Welcome to the age of stupidity. Hail the rise of the idiots” – D.Ashcroft

I have some good news, and I have some bad news. Which would you like first? Well, it actually doesn't matter because it's all a load of fucking shit anyway. One person's shit… is another person's shit too, right? And when you get given or pick up someone else's shit you've probably reached a point in your life where you need to reflect on what you're actually doing. Put the shit down, wipe your hands clean with a tea towel or piece of clothing, take a seat on the floor, cross your legs, take a deep breath in, hold it for 10 seconds then breath out. Now, continue to breathe normally, then stand up, and now walk away. And remember to not pick up shit OR pass shit to anyone else. Just be cool.

This is the week in approximately 5 minutes unless you've recently learnt to read, in which case I'm not able to approximate how long this will take you. Time yourself and then drop me an email to let me know how long it took you. My email is nowhere to be found on this page.

Boris Johnson loves the sound of his own voice. Almost as much he loves the sound of his own voice. Watch him chat shit about Vidal Sasoon's Man of the Year 1988, Donald Trump.

"The American President is just one of the huge, great, global brands. He is penetrating corners of the global consCiousness that I think few other presidents have ever done. His method of tweeting early in the morning, no matter how rambunctious those tweets may be, they are communicating with people."

Okay mate. Cheers.

Here's a fat dog. And here's why.

Have you seen Danny Tanaglia play out recently? No, me either. Well, here’s why… because he’s been in space on the ISS. Look!

The Pope has BANNED CIGARETTES from being sold inside the Vatican. I can’t quite believe it, can you?


Elsewhere in Italy, did you know that you should never get too close to someone in the Mafia unless he's 100% happy to talk to you? Sounds counter-intuitive but it's not. 

How many times did you replay that? 

How many times would you eat this?

Probably just once, with a Fanta.

I don't care how hard mine is, as long as it's after 9pm.

Shots FIRED!


Now watch this compelling, well-read video from the few Beatles left on planet earth. 


Fuck 5 a day! You only need one piece of fruit or veg a week. Thanks, Paul and the other McCartney's and Emma and Woody.

OMG check this. It EATS CO2 FROM THE AIR! 

Kevin Spacey is a right twat, eh?

Enjoy your weekend. X marks the kiss.

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