This Week… A Big Hole In Space…


"I know nothing about Wikileaks" – Donald Trump

"It's sometimes better to have a father figure to rebel against than nothing, than just a black hole or an absence." – Jean-Michel Jarre

"Big Brother doesn't like all these Little Brothers looking at it." – Hasan M. Elahi 

The pale as fuck, Julian Assange has been arrested. Brexit has been delayed. Are you being watched at work? Recycling bliss from Sweden. And apparently coffee is not essential for human life. These are some of the headlines of our week. And now they're about to be yours. Oh fuck, there was also a thing about a black hole too!

Julian Assange, the Wikileaks founder and international whistleblower has finally been turfed out of the Ecuadorian embassy he was granted asylum in (back in…20 fucking 12). Apparently because he dismissed Ecuador by claiming it is an insignificant country, and was described by the Ecuadorian ambassador to the UK, Jaime Marchan, as "continually a problem". So they "invited the police to arrest Assange on Thursday". The poor sod is expected to be extradited to the US, facing federal conspiracy charges related to one of the largest ever leaks of government secrets.

Theresa May told the House of Commons: "This goes to show that in the UK, no-one is above the law."

Jeremy Hunt said the arrest was the result of "years of careful diplomacy" and that it was "not acceptable" for someone to "escape facing justice".

Corbyn: "The extradition of Julian Assange to the US for exposing evidence of atrocities in Iraq and Afghanistan should be opposed by the British government."

Is workplace surveillance about improving productivity or simply a way to control staff and weed out poor performers? I don't know the answer, and it's hard to form an opinion whilst watching my colleague pick his nose. Aside from the obvious creepy, micro-managing, Big Brother esque, jobs-worth feel to all of this, some data analysis can produce unexpected results. Ben Waber, chief executive of Humanyze, a Boston workplace analytics company, says it gives firms the ability to assess how their staff are performing and interacting, which can be good for the firm but also good for employees themselves.

For example, one large tech client discovered that coders who sat at 12-person lunch tables tended to outperform those who regularly sat at four-person tables. The larger tables led to more interaction with staff from other parts of the company, he says, and this improved idea sharing. Larger lunch tables were "driving more than a 10% difference in performances". A fact that would probably have gone undetected without such data analysis.

Wouldn't mind some camera's around our office kitchen to find out who the messy cunt is.

Did you know that coffee is not essential for human life?…

Well I bloody well didn't.

Switzerland began storing emergency reserves of coffee between World War One and World War Two in preparation for potential shortages. It continued in subsequent decades to combat shortages sparked by war, natural disasters or epidemics. Well, the Swiss government wants to put an end to its emergency stockpile of coffee after declaring that it is "not essential" for human survival. "Coffee contains almost no calories and therefore does not contribute, from the physiological perspective, to safeguarding nutrition," the Federal Office for National Economic Supply said (in German).

Fuck off Switzerland. Stick to chocolate and staying neutral.

Gymnast Samantha Cerio who broke both legs during competition tells people to stop watching viral video. Too right! Human's are scum…

Here is that video.

Do you know someone who needs a bigger penis or need one yourself? Whatever you do, do not inject cooking oil into your penis this weekend (or any weekend but especially Sunday).

Doctors in Papua New Guinea have warned they are facing a national problem as thousands of men suffer the effects of botched DIY penis enlargements. Some doctors’ surgeries are overrun with men who have injected their genitals with an array of substances including silicon, coconut oil, baby oil and cooking oil.

“A good number are coming in with ulcers; they eventually burst open,” said Akule Danlop (a surgeon at a hospital in Port Moresby). “Some of them have difficulty urinating because the foreskin is so swollen it cannot contract. A lot of the time, we’re having to remove the whole penis shaft skin, and regraft it with skin from elsewhere in the body.”

Death row inmate handed last-minute reprieve as executioner runs out of time to administer lethal injection. Less than half an hour before the expiration of the death warrant, Alabama authorities ruled there would not be time to administer the fatal three-drug dose.

Bye bye bye bye bye bye