Doug Stanhope Becomes Greatest Yelp Reviewer Ever


Doug Stanhope isn't quite everyone's cup of tea, his outspoken approach to humour – coupled with his willingness to take comedic risks and cross grounds that most others wouldn't dare to – has carved him out somewhat of a niche within the comedic community. He's recently signed up to Yelp and has now become the best thing about the site.

For anyone unfamiliar with Yelp, it's the same as TripAdvisor in the manner that it is filled with rage-fuelled, middle class people complaining about how 'there was a hair on the floor' or 'they used a lemon scented cleaner' or even 'the pillows were too fluffy'. Stanhope has taken no notice of the website's general self-policing rules and given his ownm unique views on places that he's visited. The below are a selection of his finest quotes;

On an Australian restaurant – "We were seated above the Queen Street Mall with some garbage street performer below us stealing my attention so by the time I'd finished the steak, I realized Brian fucking Hennigan had eaten my fucking crab off my plate."

On a Chinese & Sushi bar – "I ordered unagi, maguro & hamachi – and then again in English as eel, tuna & tellowtail – all time wasted as the woman was Chinese so I just pointed at the words on the menu"

On a hotel worker – "Be sure to tell the front desk pig that she's an asshole. Just wait til she deserves it. And say it with a smile. She must be used to it by now"

On McDonalds – "You get two stars for not being Burger King. Stop being leechy assholes."

For Doug Stanhope's full Yelp reviews, see his profile.