Dear Wes: Boob Tubes and Saucy Pictures

 

Finding a safe space between Dear Deidre and Jeremy Kyle, Ransom Note Towers' newest member of the team is Agony Aunt Wes Baggaley. Those in the underground house and techno business can find a haven for their problems here, a shoulder to cry on and a wise whisper in the ear. Or if it's less pressing and you just want some advice, he’ll take the time to help you out. Unless Wes is quite busy, then he’ll knock 'em out mid-spin bike session.

Got a question? Pop it in an envelope and get it over to us electronically – askwes@theransomnote.co.uk


Dear Wes,

Long time reader, first time caller. What’s the best way to pull a DJ on the job?

D Beaumont

Hi Dan,

Thank you for writing in. I feel your pain, I feel your shame but you are not to blame. I would suggest wearing a low cut top or even a boob tube and busting out some of your most seductive moves near the booth. If that doesn’t work maybe have a flirtatious fiddle with his USB stick but be careful. We don’t want an emergency loop situation.

Wes

Hi Wes,

Your second name contains the word bag. Got any tips on what record bag to get?

Dear Reader,

I have just the thing actually. I’m selling a UDG trolley bag that has has been wheeled through several puddles of urine and vomit at various clubs and festivals. Three hundred dollars!

Wes

Hi Wes,

I’ve been selling saucy pictures of myself to fund my partner's Discogs habit.

We’re both DJs but whereas I play newish bangers off my USB, my partner is obsessed with buying old records. We both get paid a fine wage but I just forked out £400 for some dusty Basic Channel record! I’m not sure what to do, there are represses out there but he says he deserves only the original and best and I feel this is spiralling out of control. What's next?

Dear Reader,

I’m sorry to break it to you but those pictures will only buy you the latest David Guetta MP3 off iTunes or perhaps a couple of mid 2000s M_nus 12”s off Discogs. Perhaps your partner should try selling pictures. Please email them to me for assessment.

Hope this helps.

Wes

Wes,

I’ve been canoodling with my sibling's lover – and it turns out they're also my former DJ duo partner's second cousin. I don’t know how I got in this mess, what should I do?

Dear Reader,

Don’t worry about it. We’ve all done it. In fact everyone has been canoodling with that one.

Hope this helps.

Wes


Wes Baggaley joins Tama Sumo, Prosumer, Lakuti and Dan Beaumont on the Your Love stage, Thursday night at Farr Festival. Get your tickets here.