Mystic Europe’s Dream Machine #2


Hello my lovely bundles of firing synapses. You delightful bunch of electro-chemical impulses in the grey sludge within our craniums. You clever lump of physical matter that has somehow figured out how to have a point of view. After our first excursion into the random nocturnal synapse firings of our Ransom Note writers I thought it would be a good idea to take a more in-depth look into a dream supplied to us by a brave Ransom Note reader. Remember, many people think that dream interpretation is an inexact science, or not even a science at all. Well you can keep your peer reviewed journals or your “Scientific Method”, whatever the fuck that is. I found a book that someone had thrown out onto my street and it tells me EXACTLY what your dreams mean.

So, let’s begin;

Jack – Window cleaner from Yorkshire. Age 40.

So don’t really know how best to explain it over email but here goes…

In my dream I woke up to find myself in a dark concrete prison room with no notable features aside from a metal door with a small hatch built in to it, and no recollection or knowledge as to why I was there. Over the course of about five years I was kept in that room while every day I would be led out blindfolded to a hospital room and then put on a drip, and generally prodded with syringes. I was refused food or water during this time so became pretty much a walking skeleton. 

One day when I was returned to my room and the blindfold was taken off there was another prisoner in there who pretty much looked exactly like me, and after a lengthy conversation he had essentially been subject to the same treatment as I. When we were trying to figure out why we were being kept there I realised I could read the mind of the person in my room and that the other person in the room had super strength (I can’t actually remember how we found this out), so when the guards came to lead us out the next day I managed to throw them all at the wall using my newfound telekinetic powers and then we both ran out as my prison mate punched holes through walls to escape. 

We then managed to find a computer to look up why we were being kept there and found out that we were being experimented on to create an army of super soldiers that could live for years without food and water but also gained super powers. The reason we were kept so malnourished is so that we wouldn’t realise we had special powers. We were then disturbed by some guards with miniguns so we broke through another wall to find ourselves in the middle of a newsroom. It’s then that we found out that this huge news corporation created us to essentially ‘make the news’ in order to sell more papers and gain more control over the world by forcing us into a 'new era of warfare'. After that we ran into a lift while people were shouting ‘don’t go outside, the gas is loose’ and then when the doors closed I woke up…

PS, I’m not weird. 

Jack is in the process of breaking out of the prison he has built for himself

Well Jack, thanks for reaching out. It’s clear that you’ve got some pretty deep-seated issues but thankfully I can help. The first element here that jumps out is your prison cell. My book tells me that “Prison, in dreams, denotes traps we create for ourselves. We often create a prison for ourselves through duty – for example, in relationships – or through guilt. At this time we can often see no way out.

The door of the prison may represent the idea of movement between two phases of life and my book suggests either puberty or middle age. As you’re pushing 40 I can only assume this is your late on-set of puberty and you do not need to feel ashamed of this. Many of us are late starters and the idea of you moving thorough the door into a strange medical testing facility shows you are feeling that you are worried about society picking apart the upwelling fountain of your new found sexuality (or sexiness as I like to call it). You feel that the world is judging you for the beautiful erotic being that you are fast becoming.

The other prisoner you find in your cell that you have a telepathic link with is the beautiful person that you are becoming, the “new you” that feels proud to climb ladders in impossibly short shorts, with his squeegee dripping with froth. The super powers are a clear link to the newfound sexual prowess that is sure to follow. The wall signifies the block in your progress into a fully functioning adult with hair in the right places and it’s very telling that the “new you” helps you to punch through the wall and escape from the prison cell that you’ve built for yourself.

This is a picture of a newsroom because I doubt our readers imaginations

The newsroom that you break out into denotes your link to the outside world and your efforts to work out how your newly blossomed self can relate to the world around you. You have a deep suspicion that the outside world wants you to conform to a certain way of being but don’t be drawn into this trap. Have the courage to be yourself. Window cleaners can be beautiful human beings too, even if they are from Yorkshire – the most hated of all of the counties in Great Britain.

Jack – I don’t think you're weird. I think you’re beautiful. Call me.

Jack is blossoming like a delicate flower (Not actually Jack, for obvious reasons – Ed.)

Key words – Sexiness, short shorts, frothy squeegee and “you missed a bit”

Do: embrace your new self. You’re an erotic butterfly and you’re beautiful

Don’t: let your body be a prison

Remember: ladder safety checklist: be safe, be sexy

Want Mystic Europe to analyse your dreams? Send them to him here.