Jack’s Top 8 Times In 2015 That David Dimbleby Looked Like He Was Going To Glass You In A Pub
It’s December again, and the world is just as fucked as ever. Possibly slightly more, possibly slightly less. I guess it’s easy to lose track of these things without an ordered list to tell you what to think.Having been precariously perched on the 2015 bar stool for quite some time now, we’ll soon be staring down the menacing barrel of 2016. So how best to celebrate yet another successful orbit around the Sun?
We thought about publishing an objectively correct ranking of the year’s best records. But sadly we couldn’t get hold of any doof doof scientists to determine what the metrics should be. Instead, we’ve fallen back on our Top 8 Whatevers. You know the score – our trusted team of R$N scribes pitch in with lists of music they’ve enjoyed, petty grievances they want to air, obscure interests they want to highlight. Basically whatever’s on their mind. Let’s do this. Here's Jack's Top 8 of 2015:
"I'm going to fuck you up harder than a Junior Doctor at Jeremy Hunt's dinner party now back off."
"UKEEP out of this it's between me and him."
"I'll cut you up so badly the benefit system in 2015 will look like fucking origami."
"Unlike George Osborne I never miss my targets pal so get tae fuck."
"You'd be going home in a fucking ambulance if the NHS had the budgets for it."
"I'll leave you so bloodied you'll become the new logo for the Labour party now fucking GEEZ IT."
"You'll envy a dead pig at the Bullingdon Christmas party when I'm done with you prick."
"Only kidding mate we've all had a few, we're all friends here."