Asking For A Friend #19

You know the drill by now – Mitch Davis has a friend who asks him all sorts of weird and wonderful questions and he sends them on to us, not caring about the well-being of his so-called friend, so that we can share them with all of you and have a right old chuckle. Yes, it really is that simple. We'll get out of your way now then and hand you over to this week's finest questions – if you need us we'll be at Burning Man, we've just picked up some sweet tickets…

Anyone want VIP tickets to Burning Man? £1200 each. Asking for a friend.

If I wear flowers in my beard, will the ladies think I'm in touch with my feminine side? Asking for a friend.

Promoters. If I sell fifty tickets, can I DJ at your night please? Asking for a friend.

If you're lonely, is it weird to make a new wookie friend out of your breakfast? Asking for a friend.

If your neighbours are away, what's the easiest way to break in to their house? Asking for a friend.

Hey ladies. Want to join us for a pool party? Asking for a friend.

If your wife publishes your sex denial spreadsheet, should you divorce her? Asking for a friend.

Is this safe? Asking for a friend.

If your radiologist has uploaded a series of your private X-Rays online, can you sue? Asking for a friend.

Why can't I park here? Asking for a friend.

Where can I buy thigh high bubble wrap boots from? Asking for a friend.

Is this a good design for a t-shirt? Asking for a friend.

If you've collected all of these, have you got a drug problem? Asking for a friend.

Is it wrong to take adverts so literally? The police are saying it's illegal. Asking for a friend.

Is this an appropriate Happy Meal toy? Asking for McDonalds.

Will I eventually get work with The New York Times writing these? Asking for a friend.

Mitch Davis can be found running Numb Magazine among other things.