View From The Side(Lines): Transfer Deadline Day

Apparently there are 2 days each year that send football fans into a frenzy due to the sheer absurdity of financial decisions made by football clubs. Transfer Deadline Day, or as it's better known #DeadlineDay (first horseman?), occurred once again on Monday and, as anyone who follows football might expect, there was plenty of excitement in the air.

Well, actually, outside of the brand new shiny SkySportsHQ there wasn't. That's the problem with this day, essentially very little actually happens before 10pm and yet Sky want their viewers to be whipped into a frenzy to outdo the previous effort. Except they strenuously deny this every single time one of the morons that wastes their time standing out in a car park in the hopes of making it onto this over-hyped channel swears or does anything untoward. This year's dimwits were less inventive than ever in most cases – a number of them shouting 'Fuck Her Right In The Pussy' to mirror a viral internet video, rather than having the two braincells necessary to come up with anything creative or witty. There are so many clever things that you could do with your few seconds of 'fame' (aka a chance to show your mates in the pub gym/shitty nightclub how much of a lad you are).

One bloke did break the monotony somewhat by shoving a marital aid in a poor reporter's ear. I say poor reporter, I mean leech. Sure, I'm incredibly jealous of the job done by these people for 363 days a year but on Deadline Day I have no sympathy for these men, because of course they are all male, as they are doing very little and making it look like their lives depend on it. Maybe panto would suit these lot, though they might have to change out of their hideous yellow ties.

At the centre of this farcical nonsense is Jim White – a man who can seemingly do no wrong. I have absolutely no issue with White whatsoever. In fact, I think he's brilliant. His enthusiasm, cliches and smile are what make me return to this mess each time it comes around. He is the people's champion and it's easy to see why. Of course, since Portsmouth have spiralled somewhat in the last few years my vested interest in deadline day has wavered somewhat (all the best to Ryan Bird as he leaves for Cambridge, absolute gentleman) but it is hard to look away from this swarm of shouting men, surrounded by self-centred twits that think they're Michael McIntyre. Actually, they're about as funny as he is so fair play to them.

With £Bonkers being spent over the last few months, the final frenzy once again whips the football-following sections of the nation up and makes them take to social media to talk nonsense, conjecture and about how clueless Joey Barton truly is. But I suppose I'm one of them. I can't look away, I got excited when Hull signed Hatem Ben Arfa on loan and booed every time Harry Redknapp was on screen (old habits…).

It's a farce. Long may it continue.

Ciaran