? The Daily Mirror Pride of Britain Awards left me gobsmacked. Yes, it is right to celebrate the men and women who make a difference to grass roots society, and to reward those who have performed acts of bravery, and to highlight attention-seeking old women who dress up as bees in shopping centres. It is only fair that these people get their fifteen minutes of fame. What I find utterly astounding is that we need charity and people performing acts of bravery in the first place. Surely, in this day and age a boffin can be found who can make a robot to do all of this for us. Is it too much of us to ask in 2013 that a little technology can be used not to hilariously make my face go fat, but for the benefit of human kind, one love and our progression through future history?, I screamed in Micky Johns ear in the stairwell at Fabric last Saturday night for the 10 Years of Phonica Records party, a full three nights before The Daily Mail Pride of Britain Awards had even aired! Simon Rigg, you brought the house down!
? Whoever said that London Bridge is falling down is an absolute fucking idiot and needs to stop scare-mongering. Its not falling down. To prove it, I went to a pub in the shadow of the broken down bridge and arrogantly drank three straight pints of 1664 before storming out into the dark, dark night to meet Robbo. The Bunch of Grapes on St. Thomas Street is a welcoming, 1930s style boozer with a small back garden, an upstairs bit and a bar for buying beer at. I swayed menacingly near a group of unisex suits and viewed a colourful cast of local eccentrics mixed with a pool of young suburbanite breath. A grown man drinking Guinness through a straw; only in London! I dont know if Ill go there again though, not when I live a fifteen, twenty minute walk to The Black Horse in Greenford.
? Tickets are now on sale for the Red Bull Revolutions in Sound
event on the London Eye Ive been brown-nosing all and sundry this week trying to get 2 x guest lists for me and a chum. My first preference is the Shoom pod with Danny Rampling
and Mark Moore
, but if I cant get in there Ill happily schmooze my way around any of the other pods. I cant guarantee that Ill have an amazing time but I can guarantee that if someone can sort me out, I will say that I had an amazing time on my world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music website. Ill probably even give it a 10/10. Get in touch, guys. Actually, The Eagle, Bugged Out! and The End pods would be good too. Let me know.
? The dialogue, however amusing, in Old Slut, Young Studz VII really puts me off my stroke, so to speak. Lines such as, just put that fucking cock in my ass and you better not tell your mom I suck your cock are inane at best. This is a shame because the scenes are incredibly well shot (in High Definition) and offer a lot to the viewer if you can negotiate the script. I do this by turning the volume all the way down to zero, I dont hit mute because the little mute icon in the corner distracts me. Turn it down to zero and stick something serious on the stereo. Ive been watching Old Slut, Young Studz VII to Trevor Jackson Presents Metal Dance 2 all week. It just suits.
? Is it me or is it difficult to buy a ham, cheese and pickle sandwich in London? I genuinely struggle and have, for the last couple of years, resorted to making my own! Readers in the rest of the country: do write in and let me know if the town you live in sell ham, cheese and pickle sandwiches. Im hungry to know more! Winking smiley face.
? The young police officer told me there was a person under the train. Id alighted at Bond Street from the Central line and was approaching the top of the escalators listening to that Tama Sumo FACT podcast. Insistent Rhythm was, quite ironically, chug-chugging through my ear holes at the time. I thought to myself, this really is an insistent rhythm and the percussion in it sounds a bit like it could be one of the trains in this station! I spied police, the Fat Controller and dozens of hi-vis TfL droids swarming.
What seems to the problem, officer?
Tonka, theres a person under the train down there that is causing confusion and delay. Youre best changing to the Bakerloo southbound and getting off at Waterloo.
I did. I was ten minutes late for an important board meeting at WRDMHQ but at least I got to hear a bit more of that Tama Sumo FACT
?A 52-year-old tattooed bald man was given an 80 fixed penalty this week for a true act of bravery. The pissed-up EasyJet passenger challenged the captain of an aeroplane to come on then on the runway at Madchester Airport before stripping naked and taking a slash all up the side of his aeroplane. If you work for the RNLI its your job to save women from drowning in fast-flowing flood waters. Awarding that
RNLI team with a Daily Mirror Pride of Britain award is like making a big song and dance about me writing a sentence.
If and when anybody in the Emergency Services sector has the bollocks to step out of their comfort zone and piss on a plane after offering the pilot to a scrap Ill happily hand them a prize. Until then, lets withdraw that trophy from the RNLI and hand it to that chap in Madchester.
? All men have secrets and here is mine, so let it be known: I have 4 tickets to Random Magics Halloween party and am running a competition on my world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music site. All you have to do is frighten me half to death with a dance music related image. Its that fucking easy.
Fade to Black Insistent Rhythm
CHBB Ima Iki-Mashoo
Traditional London Bridge is Falling Down
Tonka is the sole writer for the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music
If you've not already, check WRDM in its entirety on the link just above here.