"What's that big ol' Moose aboot, eh?" - Ricky Lafleur
"Got milk?" - Shahrukh Khan
"Fucking butters American girl" - Connor McGregor
I'm done with Brexit. The constant conversations, debates, coverage. Boring at this point. Why can't those egotistical bastard politicians open their eyes and make a decision that doesn't prioritise their career. Fuck your champagne celebrations and self-centred intentions. Ever thought what a hard Brexit is gonna look like?
Just ask Steve-O.
This week proved that international relations aren't solely concerned with 29th March. Moose statues, Azealia Banks and a Russian board game have all done their best to take our minds off that hanging cloud.
Canada vs Norway
Who'd have thought it? The world's politest country bickering with the world's happiest country. The straw that broke the camel's back? Moose statues.
Their both glorious and regal - is that not enough? Why does one have to be bigger than the other? The mayor of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan had this to say on the matter:
"Mac the Moose was the tallest in the world, and the people of Norway have taken that from us. I'm not going to stand for it."
Too right, buddy.
Azealia Banks vs Ireland
Both fiercely proud and fiery people. If Snatch is anything to go by, don't mess with the Irish. Azealia chose to ignore that.
The American artist labelled Aer Lingus' cabin crew "fucking ugly Irish women", leaving the plane before it had even taken off. She went on to call the nation a bunch of "inbread leprechauns".
Igroland vs Salisbury
We all know about the Russian chemical attack in Salisbury. What we didn't know is that it had board game material. Moscow toymaker Igroland decided to develop a board game inspired by the event. Starting in the Russian capital and ending in the South England's cathedral town, the aim of the game is to undertake the poisonous pilgramage.
Makes Monopoly look a little uneventful, doesn't it.
Elsewhere in Russia
Think that's a bit of a shortcut, you drunken cheat!
Thankfully, there were some less confrontational stories over the past few days.
Movie fans in India started splashing posters with milk. Milk is traditionally poured over Hindu effigies during rituals as a means of bringing luck and celebrating religion. Though the intentions are wholesome, this has led to semi-skimmed pinters being nicked.
Some fans went to seriously extremem lengths to worship the film star deities.
And that's why we call it a festival
Elsewhere, a Buddhist poker play won big at a tournament in the Bahamas. Instead of pocketing the cash, he donated it all.
All $600,000 of it! What a guy! That's how you get good karmic justice.
A stone-circle in Aberdeenshire took the form of Benjamin Button. Archaelogists estimated it to be over 4,500 years old, celebrating its "authenticity".
Turns out it's a 90's baby. Live look at those brainbox excavators:
An artist from Exeter has had enough with men. Instead, she's decided to marry her duvet. Pascale Sellick must really hate Mondays.
"My duvet is the longest, strongest, most intimate and reliable relationship that I have ever had. That's because it has always been there for me and gives me great hugs."