"If it weren’t for capital punishment we wouldn’t have Easter." B. Hicks
"That first Easter must have been awkward, because you know the apostles had already divided up Jesus' stuff." J. Bill
"All excited for Easter. The cross is up and completely decorated."Albert Brooks
"I can't believe it's already Easter. It seems like just yesterday it wasn't" Easter. B. Winegar
Anyone and everyone under the age of 35 are arseholes. I'm talking about you, you and even I, but in order to improve myself I need to first, accept my downfalls. Millenials, the collective term known for anyone born after the year 1982, got a deserved bashing this week from Sky News Foreign Affairs Editor Sam Kiley. In a scathing yet oddly sexual article he called for millennials to be given a "spanking," but for those millennials reading this who are between the ages of 0 and 16 he didn't mean "in a fun, kinky way." So that should reassure both you and your parents.
In his article Kiley claimed that generation Y are a pretty soft bunch who are not worth the ground they walk in which, thanks in part to those of Kiley's generation buying up the land to sell back to us at an increased rate, is rising by day. We're "too wet to work in agriculture," so his friend from East Anglia told him, and who's to argue with that?
I'm going to take it upon myself to try and change this view for the many, many baby boomers who helped cripple our economy yet think that because we young people know what a URL is that makes us privileged and entitled. In order to prove that us, the generation who can only dream of one day owning a house, aren't simply just a feeble demographic whose only skill is being able to watch torrented films without accidentally downloading porn. I may just be a youthful sack of tight skin but send me off to Gibralter with a pitchfork and a portrait of the Queen with her mouth cut out for after-hours relaxation and I'll prove you wrong. Slingshot me into the Sun and I'll prove that I can stand the heat, both figuratively and quite literally. If you want me to single-handedly place sanctions on China to start World War 3 so we can all go back to the good ol' days of rationing, untreated PTSD and lots and lots and LOTS of death then just say the word and I'll do it, for my generation.