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This Week… ‘The F*ck Are You Doing?’, Lineker On Brexit And The R$N Q&A

 
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"If you're in the path of a bullet, you will get hit" – Ross Kemp

"I have dangerous bones in my body" – Vin Diesel

"Embrace your insecurities and contradictions… don't let them drown the fuck out of ya" – Danny Dyer

"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win" – Vinnie Jones

This Week… I'm going to ask you all of the questions and you're going to give me all of the answers. The address is at the bottom of the page, or you can text me on 07891234567.

Question #1. Would you be upset if someone had sex with your hedge?

#2. Have you ever dropped your pants whilst shouting obsenities and getting a little bit racist in the process?

#3. Have you ever sung a Britney Spears song?

 

#4. Do you think that gollywogs are racist?

#5. Do you have any idea what you're doing today?

I'm going to be frank with you. Really, really frank. I'm not a specialist in my professional role as Secretary For Matters Of The Week but thanks to a strong team of weekly advisers and the world wide web it's a piece of fucking piss.

Of course you fucking did! I'll never listen to Roxanne ever again.

Have you heard DJ David's new album? Soooooo good. Check out the live stream here.

Fucking hell, Dave went in there didn't he. If you don't know DJ David then are you really a fan of DJ David?

Right. And?

In serious news, we've got our Independent petition results back… This Week's readers have spoken.

"The backing comes as Facebook released details of scores of online ads – including misleading claims about NHS spending and immigration from Turkey – targeted at its users by Brexiteers during the 2016 referendum." – The Guardian

Gary Lineker believes.

And here are 18 times that shitpants Lineker owned Piers Morgan…

#6. Why is it so hot at the moment?

Look at Blighty

Look at President Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame star smashed to pieces.

How the fuck did a lefty snowflake do that?

Look at Norfolk no being the arse-end of nowhere.

It's not all Colman's Mustard, Alan Partridge and Delia Smith, ya know.

It might be fucking hot, and we're all struggling, but remember that there are others worse off than you, outside in all weathers wearing their wardrobe trying to survive. Not live, just survive. If you don't want to give them change, perhaps buy them a bottle of water, eh?

Right, it's time to say farewell for another week. I CBA to wait for your answers to all of today's questions so I'm going to reveal them all now, save you the hassle and me the thousand text messages.

Answers:

#1. Would you be upset if someone had sex with your hedge?

A. Yes, but no sodomy. I'm all for sodomy I wouldn't like it going on in the front garden.

#2. Have you ever dropped your pants whilst shouting obsenities and getting a little bit racist in the process?

A. Yes, no and no.

#3. Have you ever sung a Britney Spears song?

A. One of many I've sung in my time with 'Oops!… I Did It Again.'

#4. Do you think that gollywogs are racist?

A. I've never spoken to one but based on how they look, then yes. Is that racist?

#5. Do you have any idea what you're doing today?

A. Does anyone?

#6. Why is it so hot at the moment?

A. The sun's out. And global warming is a real thing.

Buy the new R$N t-shirt now HERE.

Or HERE.

And then wear it while you go and dance HERE.

Ciao. x