This Week… Good News & Bad News, Berlin Calling And Fingers Aplenty
"Kick that old robotic, futuristic, George Jetson, crazy joint!" – C. Mack
"I don't read books by people who have betrayed the Motherland." – V. Putin
"The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic." – J. Stalin
Lordamercy! The office is split today. More than half are in Berlin for the Ransom Note: Dance Music From Wilde Renate party, the other, well… we’re here soaking up the 11ºC weather in London. Did you catch our live stream last night from OYE Records? Bawrut, Scott Fraser, Carne. Well now you can. In other, more depressing news, the government intend to starve our children but have scrapped the idea to phase out 1p and 2p coins. Spakkas.
War is imminent! It’s fucking here. The cold war is back but this time it’s hot. I better hurry This Week up before I'm conscripted, or worse still, we’ll be nuked and you won't even get a chance to read it. DONT PANIC too much though. The old lady who lives at that palace over between Victoria Station and Green Park lace has a speech ready and waiting for this moment as well. Teachers pet!
Right. Other news looks pretty good though.
Kates fingers caused a stir in the Daily Fail with a two page spread. I mean… just fuck off please.
How long are your fingers? I'll show you mine if you show me yours, okay?…
Promise?…
Okay.
Send nudes pls.
A bridge collapsed in Florida today… DURING TESTING. So far, six people are dead. There's more.
That's right, plebs. ADAPT OR DIE.
Look, fuck this. Come dine with me if you want to live.
RIPete.
This guy wants to assimilate with the borg.
And the guy below has been redistered dead since 2016, which he appealed — you would, wouldn't you — but a court has rejected his appeal. This is actual madness, no?
However, James Bay is probably dead.
Wrong.
Have a craic'ing weekend guys!
