"On the first day of Christmas Jah Jah says to me plant yourself a ton a sensi" - P.Broggs
"I don't really want to do topless stuff anymore." - Katie Price
"Long hair is an unpardonable offense which should be punishable by death." - Morrissey
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." L. Tomlin
There's a fuck ton of news happening this week, it's hard to keep up, isn't it? You're telling me, mate. You're telling me.
We've found a solar system that's the closest to our own and the same week the new Star Wars movie is released. Coincidence? Eminem and Ed Sheeran have — nah, fuck that shit. Alabama have seen the light, whilst in India a pair of lovers have been accused of killing the woman's husband and then seeking cosmetic surgery so the male lover could take his place. Not cool.
Christmas is only 10 days away. What do you want for Christmas? I'll let you have a sneaky cheeky peek at what I've asked my mum and dad for.
Speaking of which, have you bought any presents yet? Come on, chop chop.
Well, if like me or my mate Paul, who, like me, like him, like me and our friend Helen, who, just like us need some inspiration, then look no further because the R$S record shop has all of your xmas needs covered. ALL OF THEM. And there's some pretty decent beer inside the ride. Oh gosh!
Brexit. Have you stopped whining about it yet, you potentially treacherous malcontent, you? If not then you best keep your mouth shut or you might end up on the front page of your local shitrag. Guess someone has to keep the rebels in check, though.
On the ninth day of Christmas, tings not looking good
Policeman start to beat I up and I don't really do nothing
On the tenth day of Christmas, I start to look alive??
Police man said no bail till next year this time
Sorry in advance