“This is not what we need on Capitol Hill” - L. Cockburn
“This was a McSting” - J. Maysh
“With President Trump facing criticism for the amount of time he spends on the golf course, Jacobs might want to limit the amount of chokeslams he delivers outside of mayoral duties” - C. Hooton
Hello. Me again. Lucky you.
This week, we're going to start with a cryptid-oriented game of Top Trumps. Let's begin.
Killer Rating: 8
Likelihood of Leslie Cockburn, Democratic candidate for US Congress in Virginia, accusing Denver Riggleman, Republican candidate for US Congress in Virginia, of getting off on observing it locked in the throes of sexual ecstasy: 2
The Loch Ness Monster
Killer Rating: 9
Likelihood of Leslie Cockburn, Democratic candidate for US Congress in Virginia, accusing Denver Riggleman, Republican candidate for US Congress in Virginia, of getting off on observing it locked in the throes of sexual ecstasy: 1
Killer Rating: 10
Likelihood of Leslie Cockburn, Democratic candidate for US Congress in Virginia, accusing Denver Riggleman, Republican candidate for US Congress in Virginia, of getting off on observing it locked in the throes of sexual ecstasy: 10
We have a winner!
Salutations! You read that correctly. Democratic candidate for US Congress in Virginia Leslie Cockburn has effectively nullified the entire existence of her Republican opposite number Denver Riggleman by accusing him of watching Bigfoot porn. Try wriggling out of this one, wriggle man.
This began on Sunday when Cockburn sent Twitter into meltdown with the following, gloriously succinct tweet:
It was accompanied by this image, which plainly stems from Riggleman's personal Instagram account:
Preorder The Mating Habits of Bigfoot HERE.
I doubt playing the kinkshaming card will excuse his support for white supremacists, a group not known for their liberalism in that, or any other, department.
In any case, the congressional hopeful claims Cockburn misunderstood an in-joke, and that while “like hundreds of thousands” of Americans he is interested in Bigfoot, his interest isn’t sexual.
It is “anthropological”.
Elsewhere, one of the most remarkable examples of "not in the spirit of the game" came to light.
In August 2001, Michael Hoover, then a recently bankrupted casino boss, made the call to claim he'd won the grand prize of McDonald's' Monopoly scheme: $1,000,000.
Quickly, his story displays all the signs of a lie. Jeff Maysh tells it better than I ever could over at The Daily Beast. Take a look.
I really hope the team behind Tickled find enough of what they look for in this story to develop it into some Netflix-homepage hit.
Oh, and by the way.
This is now a thing that has happened.
Just another thing that has happened in the world while we were all off having some fun in the ga-la-xy.
"The 51-year-old unseated a Democrat to become Knox County's 29th mayor, running as a libertarian and promising tax cuts along with improvements to education and infrastructure.
As of the 2010 census, the Knox County population was 432,226.
Jacobs, whose wrestling persona nickname is "The Big Red Machine" (appropriately, given the GOP embraces the colour) said he was met with 'pretty astounding laughter' among the political establishment when he first announced his plans to run for mayor but that this 'made me want it even more.'"
This week's been nothing if not full of distractions.
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