We've stayed quiet on the recent attacks in Paris - none of us at R$N Towers had much stomach for becoming another internet voice SHOUTING THEIR OPINION because, like pretty much everyone else, we haven't got a fucking clue what's going on. Luckily, us lily-livered pinko scum aren't representative of the whole plucky British public - someone does have a very good idea what to do. That someone is Tina Reeves. Upon seeing TV reports of death and mayhem on the Paris streets, Tina Reeves did what every right thinking owner of a broadband connection would do; she started a petition.
"Stop all immigration and close the UK borders until ISIS is defeated" was the name of that petition.
"In February 2015 Dr Shea, Nato’s Deputy Assistant Secretary General for Emerging Security Challenges, warned there would be IS jihadists on the refugee boats. IS also threatened to flood Europe with 500,000 jihadists," Reeves spluttered in the blurb. "Allowing uncontrolled immigration and taking in these refugees potentially endangers the entire UK population. At any other time in our history this would be tantamount to a declaration of war and borders would be closed."
Her conclusions were backed up with a couple of links drawn from those well loved sources of non-partisan common sense, the Daily Mail and the Express. We're not sure if this makes us metropolitan left-tards, but we can't help but think that blaming immigrants for ISIS is much the same as blaming the entire population of London for Dapper Laughs - tempting, but entirely mental. Essentially Reeves is bold/ stupid enough to put together a petition that would, if followed, cripple our economy and utterly alienate us on the world stage. BUT we'd be guaranteed not to get blown up! Because none of the 7/7 bombers were from Englan - wait, hold on a minute-
Anyway, good work Tina! And sterling work from the 427,162 (and counting) other true patriots who rushed to sign the petition - presumably not one of them has anything other than roaring bulldog blood coursing through their veins. In theory, Tina's message of hope over fear can now be debated in the House of Commons. Funnily enough, when a recent petition calling for a vote of no-confidence in David Cameron also far exceeded the level needed for it to be considered for debate, it was utterly ignored. Let's see if Reeves-y is treated in the same way.
So now Tina has created her petition, and hordes of idiots have signed up to advocate it's meaningless sentiment, she can bimble around the streets of Plymouth, happy in the knowledge that no filthy fundamentalist muslamic is about to show up, leeching our benefit system, noncing up our kids and talking funny in the supermarket. Or at least she would be able to if she didn't live in Spain.
Note the location in the green box, bottom right. FFS Tina.
Like all great bigots, Tina is an ex-pat. Her entire lifestyle is based in the notion of freedom of movement. According to Tina's corrosive logic, that freedom of movement is fine for her - and quite possibly other people who look and talk like her (in my mind I'm picturing a purse-lipped fusion of Keeping Up Appearances, Abigails's Party and A Place in the Sun) - but absolutely out of the question for anyone else. She hasn't grasped that closing borders means she won't be allowed back in England - every cloud has a silver lining eh - and she appeared on telly today from her home in 'Spain', moaning about immigrants, seemingly not a jot of an inkling as to why people might find this baffling/amusing.
It's hard to feel any sympathy for Tina, who's nuanced take on foreign policy seems to be formulated after she skipped siesta for a mid-afternoon gin binge, but, as I've argued before, her opinions are pretty much fed to her wholesale by a media with a nasty streak a mile wide. The British press have got so much previous with stirring up anti-immigrant sentiment that it's a wonder people like Reeves haven't already taken to lurking outside mosques to suffocate immigrants with Waitrose bags. Lest we forget, here's what the Evening Standard thought of the Irish back in the 80s:
And here's the Daily Mail this week with some great immigrants-are-rats imagery, neatly borrowed from long time DM crush, Hitler:
We've come so far.
So what to do? It's tempting to just mock dickheads like Tina - it's what I've spent the last few paragraphs doing. Realistically, once someone's got to the petition starting stage I suspect they're beyond help... But what about everyone else? Surely not everyone who signed that petition is a total bastard? I guess the only viable thing is to try and engage some truth. Here's a starter: You are statistically more likely to be dead because of a benefit sanction than an ISIS attack. So if Reeves wants to start a petition calling for the total defeat of Iain Duncan Smith, then I'm all ears.