Premiere: Dan Mela & Lady Blacktronika ‘Drive Me Crazy’


The following is a story by Harriet Allen – all characters are completely fictional. Got that? Let's go:

Dan Mela was a catankerous old sort, with a hunched back and a clubbed foot, he spent most of his days lumbering from place to place, never straying far from his home in Shropshire. It was a good house, semi-detached in a local grey stone, but the real story was the back wall. Fifteen years earlier, Dan's house had been owned by previous occupants, the Coopers, who had taken part in an episode of the BBC's Changing Rooms with Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen. The Coopers' neighbours, The Pearsons, had been on Lawrence's team to redecorate the house that Dan now lives in. Against the Coopers' express wishes that all the structural walls be left in tact, Lawrence had insisted on knocking out the back wall of the entire property and replacing it with a piece of gauzy fabric that would dance lightly in the wind. After their home had been wrecked and the Coopers were unable to gain compensation from the BBC, the couple decided to sell up, managing to conceal the missing wall by installing a brick-patterned curtain that they had found lying around the backdrop and prop collection of a nearby theatre in Shrewsbury.

Dan Mela was the man who unfortunately bought that house, from a snake of an estate agent. His grumpy nature was only exacerbated by this new living situation, a chilly breeze blowing East from the Welsh hills would fill his living room every evening as he tried to watch telly or check Reddit for interesting threads. One evening, as the snow fell on his home and into his draughty sitting room, he stood up and said in a dramatic Italian accent (which he spoke in ever since the stroke), "This drive me crazy!!!"

He decided that he really must do something about the huge hole in his house. What he decided he would do is he would collect up all the Chicago Town pizza boxes and fizzy drinks cans that he had been hording away in the attic for safe keeping (he thought they would come in handy in a future world war). It turned out he had quite a sizeable collection, many of the boxes harbouring fuzzy, green mold from fragments of cheese or crust left behind. They didn't smell great. Nevertheless, he had enough to construct a small wall to protect the interior of his house. He did this, it took him just one evening, using the cans to bolster the wall with a flying buttress type structure. Afterwards, he sat back to enjoy his work. His Chicago (pizza) house was complete, so he made a track with his friend Lady Blacktronika (Mrs Pearson under a new moniker) to celebrate the occassion. He named it Drive Me Crazy and released it on What Ever Not, because, as he chuckled to himself, the end to the sentence "What ever not to do to your house" was to remove a wall and replace it with a curtain.

The end.

Back to reality… here's Dan Mela and Lady Blacktronika's upcoming release: 


This is out on Whatever Not Records. More news from Dan Mela here.