Tories Clamp Down On Legal Highs

As anyone who paid attention to this week's Queen's Speech knows, the Conservatives are looking to eradicate the legal highs that have proved popular with young British ravers. in the speech itself, our lizard overlord Her Majesty announced that a new bill will not just hit existing cheeky liveners, but also "ban the new generation of psychoactive drugs" – yep, this is a bill aimed at criminalising things that don't even exist. Whilst posession of substances such as Nitrous Oxide will remain legal, producing, distributing, selling or supplying legal highs will be punishable with up to 7 years in the clink.

The bill, published today, targets “any substance intended for human consumption that is capable of producing a psychoactive effect” – ever the jokers, the official Home Office statement managed to sneak in a sneaky dig at 'skivers', claiming that the new laws were bought in to "protect hard-working citizens from the risks posed by untested, unknown and potentially harmful drugs." Lol! What about lazy bastards eh? Can they just ignore the new law?

You'll be heartened to hear that alcohol and fags won't fall under the ruling, because neither have proved to be fatal for their users and those in their users vicinity. Or something. Some might say that the new ruling might even have originated from the powerful alcohol lobby, who only stand to gain when all other avenues of getting off yer nut are shut down, but we'd say noooooo, surely not. The new bill is there because the war on drugs definitely works.