This Week…Losing Your Mind, Ideas, Mercurys, Feastivals, Nhs & Bowie.
"An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it." D. Marquis
"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed." G. Burns
"What goes around comes around, like a hula hoop." L. Wayne
"Cats are interesting. They are kind of like girls. If they come and talk to you it's great. But if you try to talk to them it doesn't always go so well." S. Miyamoto
For very obvious reasons this week's news has been focussed on the attacks in Paris last week and the subsequent actions since. That's a different matter entirely but for now here's the somewhat light hearted stories that you may have missed.
THE 'YOUR MUM'S CAR PLAYLIST AWARDS 2015' ANNOUNCED. NAME CHANGED TO 'THE MERCURY PRIZE 2015'.
So this week we found out which musicians will battle it out to be crowned champion of the musically beige Olympics. A celebration of all things 'meh' and 'which BBC 6 Music executive is still allowing Gaz Coombes a career?' the Mercury Prize comes back for it's 2015 edition with a bang. Or, to be more specific, the kind of sad empathetic whimper that erodes from an old whoopie cushion sat on by a 90 year old man who has just realised his life was an entire lie.
Amongst the Aphex Twin's and Eska's we find professional quirk Florence, Florence's machine, the compulsory Young Turks addition by Jamie XX, purveyors of middle-class-duo-pretending-to-be-working-class-to-give-their-music-relevance-to-its-faux-punk-aesthetic-core Slaves and the type of artists Spotify recommend you when you're looking to 'discover' something.
AUSTERITY MEASURES HELP NHS DEFICIT HIT BIGGEST GAP IN SIX YEARS. MORE AUSTERITY MEASURES IN PLACE TO 'FIX IT'.
With a 98% vote from junior doctors to take a three day strike, a record number of people using food banks and the impending cut to tax credits it's safe to say George Osborne's austerity measures are doing well. But wait, what's this? The worst deficit in the NHS for six years has just been announced meaning MORE cuts to public spending to 'balance the books'? Well thank the bloody heavens, I could do with eating a little less before the Christmas little black dress season. Yes, yet again George will miss his deficit targets for this year but it's cool because you know those stupid boring art galleries you're partner takes you to? NO LONGER AS THEY WON'T BE THERE. You know how walking aaaaalllllll the way to the Job Centre to sign on after you've found yourself out of work for reasons out of your control is like, SUPER tiring? *Poof*, your legs can thank George Osborne as you probably won't even be able to sign on anymore. I could go on but for now all I want to say is THANKS GEORGE.
Austerity causes more Big Feastivals and isn’t that great kids?
DAVID BOWIE RELEASES 10 MINUTE LONG ODE TO COMPLETELY LOSING YOUR MIND.
Deciding to take a turn in the direction of soundtracking those nights where all you want to do is sink into a bath with no water and eat frozen chicken nuggets while uncontrollably sobbing into a copy of Satre's 'Being And Nothingness', David Bowie released a new 10 minute long tune. It's kinda weird.
MAN IS ASTOUNDED NOBODY QUEUES OUTSIDE RECORD SHOPS NOWADAYS. WONDERS WHY IT'S NOT 1997 ANYMORE.
Following the well trodden Taylor Swift route of musical promotion Adele has decided to pull her new album from streaming services. Surely that must mean queues around the block to be the first to listen to her revamped breakup album? Apparently not as this article on The Guardian states but I think I have the answer. Spirograph is quite relevant now which I assume is taking up a lot of people's time. Also you know those Star Wars pogs you find in bags of Walkers? Time consuming man and plus, everybody is distracted by who will top the charts this week; Oasis or Blur?
"Where there's blame there's a claim…." Lionel
AND FINALLY FOR SOMETHING NEW: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO…THAT ONE FROM B*WITCHED WHO SAID 'WHAT'RE YOU LIKE?'
Oh and one final gif while we're here…