This Week… The Crying Game
"If you've never eaten while crying you don't know what life tastes like" – Goethe
"I love walking in the rain because no one can see me crying” – Rowan Atkinson
"Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do" – C.S. Lewis
"Don't cry because it's over – smile because it happened" – every bullshit motivational Instagram account ever
Here's a poser for your Friday afternoon. What's the most famous tear ever shed? Gazza at Italia 90? Gwyneth Paltrow at the Oscars? The Michael Jordan meme?
Now you can add Theresa May to that list, who today admitted to shedding "a little tear" when her husband Philip informed her of the election exit poll news. Right now, somewhere else in the universe, a team of elite robot manufacturers are watching us and cursing themselves at allowing such a pathetic defect to pass through the product testing stage.
No doubt May is hoping that this story will go some way to showcasing her more human side, after the twin debacles of her campaign performance and her response to the Grenfall tragedy saw her opinion levels plummeting.
Suddenly the Tory buzzwords are ones like "humility" and "empathy", leaving their more unreconstructed MPs thumbing feverishly through their dictionaries trying to fathom the meaning of these strange and obscure concepts so they can slime their way through Question Time.
Part of this new strategy seemingly involved May reaching out to Labour to help her create policies for post-Brexit Britain. As is now his wont, Corbyn obviously used this invite as an excuse for top bantz, sending May a signed copy of the Labour manifesto in return.
Following his triumphant Glastonbury performance last month, we're slying hoping that Corbz might pop up at Farr Festival this weekend, distributing ice cold cans from a bottomless carrier bag. We're taking over the Adventures In Success stage on Saturday with the likes of Tama Sumo, Young Marco and Sadar Bahar alongside Ransom Note Records fam Ivan Smagghe, Bawrut, Moscoman and Timothy 'Heretic' Clerkin. Get down early for our 'Gone To A Rave' special set. Hopefully see you there lovely people x