? I was seductively gripping the rail on the Jubilee line tube to WRDMHQ, squinting into space and trying hard to catch the eyes of my fellow passengers, with the aim of seeing myself described the next day in Rush Hour Crush. As I turned up the volume on Cocorico 03 I spotted a young lady who looked exactly like Roger Federer. She wasnt holding a tennis racket though, she was reading the Financial Times, and I doubt very much that she was listening to Death Disco or Fabric 23 in her lime green Skull Candy headphones!
It did get me thinking about how great dance music is though. I wondered if this pretty young grand-slam winning mens singles tennis lookalike had even heard of Ivan Smagghe. What was she listening to on her way to work? Ill probably never find out.
? My dear friend, Danny Rampling, cant half gas bag. Danny played President Nixon to Bill Brewsters Michael Parkinson during a lively Q&A for an exciting new dance music initiative by Google+; a revolution Im not at liberty to shout out loud about just yet, but one which Im at pains to keep inside my box. Know what I mean?
Anyway, Im at the press launch, right, and Bill asked Danny one little question about Ibiza to kick things off. Danny, bless him, was still answering and chattering on about Alfredo a full 35 minutes later. He wont mind me telling you this, but I dont even think he blinked! Engaging as he was, I had a thirst on and kept half of one of my eyes on the bar. Heres a big thank you to the Red Bull Music Academy for hosting the event and sorting me out with all-you-can-eat bacon burgers and all-you-can-drink lager.
?Ive been lucky enough to fly first class to Pittsburgh, Wolverhampton, Dubai and south London this week as part of my series of MASSIVE QUESTIONS on the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music website. Pittsburgh Track Authority, Flori, Simon Mobley and Severino have all, in their own way, been wonderful hosts and left me with a plethora of useful information about dance music and not to mention a treasure trove of hilarious dance music related anecdotes.
? Specific Rim is a fabulous hardcore lesbian spoof movie. Its set in the future and pits a small gang of red-hot lesbian postgraduates against a butch army of rectal sex monsters who have emerged from an inter-dimensional portal on the floor of the Pacific Ocean. To combat the monsters, humanity unites to create the Rimbutts: gigantic humanoids, each controlled by the sexual energy generated by two or more lesbian pilots.
Focusing on the latter days of the war, the story follows Capri Anderson and Georgia Jones as they lick, suck and fuck their way to saving the human race. Ive not enjoyed myself to a better score since the breezy electronica that sat underneath Sex Court 7: Guilty as Sin helped finish me off. Listen for that rolling snare drum as Capri and Georgia bring the main baddie to climax and check out the cymbal crash solo as they throw her recovering body into the acid bath to, as the two young ladies cheekily remark, cool off. A wonderful film!
? Thursday night found me huddled in the warm corner of Paradise by Way of Kensal Rise with Draper and Robbo listening to songs such as Shimmy Shimmy Ya, I Fought the Law, Deceptacon and Reflektor whilst playing bingo! No, I wasnt shuffling my black iPod Nano whilst playing bingo on a Gala Bingo app on a HTC iPhone, I was playing Musical Bingo. Musical Bingo is the original musical bingo night in London. If you turn up accidently at anybody elses version of this in London, storm out immediately and call the police.
? Im now preparing myself for an important meeting at The Social on Monday night with an internet baron and a lovely, rich old benefactor called T-Bone. Im about to trick them into buying into Weekly Review of Dance Music: The Musical with promises of big name cast members from the world of house and techno, and interest from other parties. Wish me luck, gang! You never know, when my media career gets off the ground properly, you might be queuing up outside Toys R Us for a Tonka doll for your little girl in a few years time.
Ol Dirty Bastard Shimmy Shimmy Ya
?Ethyl & Flori - Shelter
Fred Hush & Noseda Kanibal (off of Cocorico 03)
?Tonka is the sole writer for the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music
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