TONKA'S WEEK: 18.08.17

It's street fighting time!

TONKA'S WEEK: 18.08.17

It's street fighting time!

< > I was talking about stand-up comedy with Ivan, Eeeeevan, Smagghe, Smog, the other day, on Facebook, and after a pretty hefty and heated debate, on Facebook, we both agreed that the last best stand-up comedian alive is/was the 1990s version of Frank Skinner. Ivan first recommended I watch Louis CK 2017 on Netflix - which I did - and I left him with a whole two decade's worth of Frank Skinner video recommendations to choose from; Live from Birmingham, Live at the London Palladium, Live in Birmingham, Live at the Birmingham NIA, to name but a few. Has he watched any of them? I don't know. I've not asked him yet, on Facebook, but I will ask him, on Facebook, later today if I remember to.

Louis CK might be clever and do very amusing impressions of young American women, but I am not convinced that he could talk about anal sex, cans of Whatley's Party Seven or sex from behind with the same considered panache as Fun Time Frankie. Louis CK doesn't do audience banter either. In the hour and fifteen minutes or so that his 2017 show lasted, he didn't ask for the name of anyone on the front row, or embarrass anyone on the front row by questioning their true age and their sexual experience. I'm not being funny, but Frank Skinner, for me and, eventually for Ivan Smagghe, is the greatest ever stand up comedian.

Why not join in the debate on my Facebook page if you know my true identity?

< > Freestyler. Rock a rock a microphone. Freestyler. Scratch scratching scratching scratch. Freestyler. Rock a rock a microphone. Du du DU du DU du DU du DU DU DU.

What a fucking song that one is. Remember Freestyler by Bomfunk MCs? I don't know how many MCs were in that band, but on the video it's just one little kid walking about a train station. Loads of 1990s dance videos had people walking around public transport stations, didn't they, ladies and gentlemen? And airports. Train stations and airports. Encore Une Fois by Sash! was another one, and that's all I can remember, but I'm sure there are loads more 1990s dance videos with people walking around train stations and airports.

Why not add to the list of 1990s dance music videos that are filmed in train stations and airports by Tweeting me on @tonkawrdm with the heading: Tonka - Here Are Some More Transport Dance Music Videos:‚Äč

< > I pre-ordered (and paid for) a Mini SNES about six months ago, and it's being delivered to WRDMHQ at the end of September.

- So fucking what, Tonka?

- Well, I don't know anyone else in Northolt who'll play it with me, so I came up with a hair-brained, I mean, hare-brained scheme to hold an annual Street Fighter II Tournament at Ran$om Note HQ in order for me to not feel so lonely when I play it. LOLoutLOUD. I'm mad, me.

Yes. The inaugural Tonka's Street Fighter II Tournament will be held at R$NHQ in October (date TBC) and is ONLY open to competitors from the world of Ran$om Note and DJs and producers anyone has ever heard of - Josh from Posthuman is going to be there, and he only just scraped through on that criteria due to his recent Rock Around The Clock thing for FACT. Daniel Avery is definitely going to be playing/fighting (he literally bit my hand off on Twitter), so I'm going to put his name and face on all of the publicity I make for it because he's famous (in the underground dance music world). Gabba's Bleaching Agent can't make it, unfortunately, but I'm hoping his stable-mate, Perc, will get involved - I'll email him in a bit. I wonder if Manni Dee likes Street Fighter II. I'll ask him and all.

Anyway, I only thought about this the other day, so when I get some more details I'll flesh it all out and we'll organise something properly, but I've already bagsied Ryu. But if there are any DJs or producers that anyone has ever heard of reading this, get in touch because this is not a joke, and as Blanka might say to Chun Li, "fucking come on, then. Let's fucking have it. Come on. Fucking come on, then. Now. Fucking come on, now. Now. Fucking come on, then."

The winner of the very first Tonka's Street Fighter II Tournament will receive a signed copy of the very first Weekly Review of Dance Music.

< > Last week, I was lying down on my living room floor, listening to my second favourite Infant Annihilator LP when a rat-a-tat-tat went the door. I thought to myself, "I wonder who that could be?" So I flipped myself up onto my feet like I was in Diversity and walked backwards (because I'm a little bit kooky) to the front door and spun on my heels like I was in Michael Jackson and opened the door with a huge smile like I was in a Shanice video.

There, standing before me with a huge smile on his face, was DJ Dolan Bergin. He said, "Tonka, I've come to tell you that I'm proud to present Ninja Tune at Printworks this Autumn. It's been three years since we've collaborated with the label on a showcase this size, our return in the autumn brings a line-up I feel is as weighty as the occasion." I said, "Dolan, let me stop you there. You don't need this plugging on Tonka's Week. The Hydra sells itself on the sustained quality of the programming, use of space and a name that is incredibly well respected in the dance music universe after years of honest toil and good, old-fashioned hard work - you won dance music punter hearts and minds ages ago. You won't be struggling to sell tickets for this, will you (TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE)? Mate. Come on. Fuck off and send in a struggling producer for me to plug."

And with that, he was sprinting down the road to Northolt tube station in a hurricane of flyers. I slammed shut the front door, shook my head, rolled my eyes and Moonwalked back to the living room. I wonder who'll turn up next...?

< > Rat-a-tat-tat, who's that? It's DJ Shufflemaster (John Shuttleworth's nephew - truth) with a brand new EP for me to plug called, ReWeekender! I won't go into detail about the conversation I had with DJ Shufflemaster because I'm getting bored of writing now, but I will say that the EP he handed over to me is fucking brilliant and that it's released on Friday 15 September on Milkshake, I mean, Mindshake Records. Paco Osuna and the exotically named Gary Beck have provided remixes.

Again: ReWeekender by DJ Shufflemaster is out on 15 September on Milkshake, I mean, Mindshake Records.

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