A lot happens in the life of Tonka in a week, so he's decided to round up what's been going down in the Weekly Review of Dance Music. '


A lot happens in the life of Tonka in a week, so he's decided to round up what's been going down in the Weekly Review of Dance Music. '

Last week, Tonka's Weekly Review of Dance Music joined R$N proper with a Paris Hilton scoop.  He was so overwhelmed by the response to said article by his 'work experience kids in Ibiza' he's had to change his email already for fear of being pulled up again on dishing the dirt on another breaking story. So we went back to the drawing board on ideas for his regular excursions on R$N. A lot happens in the life of Tonka in a week, so he's decided to round up what's been going down in the Weekly Review of Dance Music. 'Telling you what to think'... weekly. Views expressed by Tonka are most certainly his own and not neccessarily those of R$N... but normally they are.

? I was watching Anal University 9: Graduation Night for what must have been the umpteenth time this month when it only occurred to me that the incidental music that accompanied the Gym Class scene was D'Votion by D'Note, a sensual slice of ambience so expertly used and brought to life on Caf Del Mar: Volumen Dos in 1995. I did grant myself a chuckle at the thought of my dear friend, Jos Padilla, blushing were he to find out that I now associate his beautiful mix with this, before I duly finished what I'd started.


D'Votion by D'Note


? Second helpings at the Northolt Harvester with two of my Twitter chums: the perfect way to end a Tuesday night. @_Housetunes_ and @NortholtLocal had laid on a feast to celebrate the super 4/5 review of DJ EZs Fabric release on Resident Advisor. Arguments and counter-arguments like, my missus used to love DJ EZ when she was a student in the 90s but she hates underground music, How come everyone is suddenly talking like hes the worlds best mixer?, Q-Bert would shit on him in a head-to-head and As if! DJ EZ would eat Q-Bert, A-Trak, and DJ Co-Ma for breakfast filledthe cavernous, west London feeding space. 

Of course, I kept quiet and waited for a natural pause before showing my friends up in front of all the other punters. Im sorry to throw sugar in your sauce but DJ Craze won three consecutive DMC World Championships; 1998, 1999 and 2000 a feat to this day that has never been topped to prove that he is the worlds best DJ. If and when DJ EZ shows up at DMC and wins four consecutive titles Ill strip naked, moonwalk to Phonica Records, pay for Fabric Clive 71 and duly insert it right up inside my anussideways. All you can eat strawberry ice-cream pudding? Yes please!


? I dont like the niqab, especially after seeing a poor woman trying to do ecstasy in a nightclub, shovelling tablets under her veil. But the argument that you need to see peoples faces when you go clubbing is nonsense do none of these critics ever visit Room 2 at Club Fabric? 

DJ Craze 1998 DMC Finals set


? It was all I could do to stop Rusty Lee breaking my ribs. No, she was not performing the backwards cowgirl on me! LOLoutLOUD. Rusty and I were talking about the good old days in Birmingham and how you could only get into nightclubs in the midlands if you were wearing shoes. Rusty told a fabulous anecdote, one that Id heard a thousand times before, but never tired of hearing. Tonka she started, ol Rusty was once turned away from the Sports Bar in Walsall for wearing trainers! I said to the bouncer that I was planning on drinking lager, not running up and down the bar like Liz McColgan! I asked her if he saw the funny side, already knowing the answer. Tonk, he just said no and told me to try Revolution next door. As I walked past the glass front of the Sports Bar, listen to this, I saw a bloke inside wearing, get this, Adidas fucking Samba! I feigned incredulity and laughed all the way to Digbeth whilst Rusty pushed me into bushes and placed me in occasional head-locks.



Rusty Lee cooking with George Best and Kenny Lynch


? While were on the subject, Tony Slattery once said that a mans man is the difference between a womans son and a grandmothers daughter. Although I dont necessarily agree with Tony on that, I cant help but applaud him for the audacity to say so. The macho shenanigans that surrounded this weeks DJ Awards strengthened the growing public demand for a dry ceremony next year, like what they do at the Brit Awards.

The sight of Maceo Plex picking up his award for best producer, swearing and gesticulating aggressively towards Disco Bloodbath and Aphex Twins table was unsightly and saddening for a certain set of people like me who, some may say desperately, pine for the days when DJs like Allister Whitehead and Jon of the Pleased Wimmin would congratulate men like Tony De Vit and Nick Warren sincerely for their achievements in dance for absolutely no other reason than kindness.

I wish somebody would tell the likes of Crosstown Rebels and Visionquest that house is not a competition; it is not a means to clambering drunkenly towards a vulgar reward. House is a unifying force for love and harmony. Whos with me?



? Should you wish to see, hear, smell or meet me on Friday 27 September, Ill be attending the Revolutions in Sound demonstration at Red Bull Studios.  Google+ and Red Bull Music Academy are teaming up to create and maintain a living archive of UK club culture one in which I dearly wish to continue being a part of for a long time to come. Danny Rampling will be in un-scripted conversation with my dear friend Bill Brewster. Maybe if this conversation is a success, they can take it on the road and talk on stage during the warm-up sets in nightclubs before later taking the decks for a back-to-back peak time session? Thank me later, Bill.


Tonka is the sole writer for the world famous Weekly Review of Dance Music
If you've not already, check WRDM in its entirety on the link just above here. 
TWITTER: @tonkawrdm