"Will those on telly yesterday be remembered for what they've achieved? None whatsoever, I wouldn't trust them to walk my dog." - Roy Keane
"Ain't no such thing as halfway crooks." - Mobb Deep
"I can't imagine a God who would ever need to intercede in the daily travails of my life." - George Osborne
Remember when you were a small child and you sat upon your father's lap to be told you can be anything you wanted to be? Well, some people actually took that literally. Yes before the pressures of everyday life and screaming children disintegrated any sort of dream you had which didn't revolve around buying shirts on sale in Burtons, some people continued to believe that they're qualified for any job no matter how overwhelmingly unqualified they actually are until adult life. They probably have a full head of hair and a relatively toned body for their age too, unlike you who's looking at old photos yourself wondering if you still look the same. You don't. Time has not been kind on you at all and your kids probably wish they lived with the next door neighbour because they have a trampoline in their garden.
George Osborne is a man who looks at a job he's dangerously unable of doing and you know what he says? "I'll give that a go." Whether it's a cute attempt at reducing our national debt or, say, becoming the editor of the liberal Tory rag the London Evening Standard, he doesn't let a trivial matter of adequacy dampen his spirits. People say he hasn't the time to be editor of a large-scale newspaper in addition to all his other extra curricular roles which includes public speaking and being a man who looks like he has to staple his face on in the morning like a macabre Mrs Doubtfire, but the job in question isn't that hard. Dot a few i's, cross a few t's, slander Sadiq Khan, what's so tough? I say let's welcome Osborne into his new role. Finally, politics and the media have become one unified force and I cannot think of any reason why historically that has ever been a bad thing.
AND NOW THE NEWS IN BRIEF...
A REAL STITCH UP
IAN CURTIS LIKED ROLLERCOASTERS
Ian Curtis rides a rollercoaster pic.twitter.com/lW5MhizEBQ— pepperoni playboy (@Jorsteth) March 12, 2017